Whenever I used to hear or read about successful people they’d always talk about ‘how they suffered’ or about the hard times they had on their way to the top of their game. All the obstacles they had to jump over. On hearing this, I had this sense of affinity. Yup. I’m struggling to get where I want (now known as dreaming). I’m suffering. Life’s really freaking tough right now. Bomb after bomb is being thrown in my path. I’m going to succeed too because life is tough. I only became aware of that thought, this evening.
I decided 3 months ago that I was going to do this. We were moving house. Relocating. We were driving in the rain after one of the roughest and longest days and I had this thought. ‘Im going to cosmic order my singing career.’ I’m going to write this blog, and make it this sort of ‘how to/Diary’ of my progress, I’m going to inspire all of these people that whatever they dream of they can achieve it. I’m going to be living proof. I’m going to make demos and pest people left, right and centre until someone picks me up and I’m at the top, making money from music and using it to help make the world a better place. That was my dream.
So what happened? Why am I only 5 days in instead of 3 months? Obstacles.
Here are the two most prominent:
Moving house. It took us 6 weeks to find a new place and we were staying with my mother. Stressed doesn’t begin to explain it. There were 6 of us, a poor excuse for a dog and a rabbit in a tiny 2 bedroomed semi detached house. There’s 6 weeks gone. During that time, I shared my idea with someone I admire professionally. I wanted their feedback, their approval I guess. That this wasn’t a stupid idea.
I didn’t hear back. That was that. I told myself this must have been a reaaaaally ridiculous and laughable project and I quit. I quit before I had even started. If one person thinks its rubbish, everybody will. It’s a waste of time. (See day #2!)
That’s pretty much how I used to tackle obstacles. Not all obstacles, but the ones between myself and what I wanted. Climbing obstacles for other people and their happiness is easy, I’d be hell bent on finding a way around it. Because of that I felt like I had been struggling for a long time. I had been, just not for my own gain.
A few weeks ago, the lady I had emailed got in touch. She had been in China and on holiday and working and busy. You know how it is. She apologised for not replying sooner, she wanted to reply when she had more time, she thought my idea was a good one. I had allowed my negative thought patterns about myself to win. Even if she did think it was stupid, should I have so easily let my vision slide if I’m serious? No. I’m glad I learnt this lesson at the beginning. I won’t forget it.
My original excitement came back and then some. I should never have lost it. If something captures you so completely and you can’t think about anything else, you’re probably on the right track. You don’t need approval. Trust yourself. We all need to clear the beliefs that hold us back in all areas of our lives and try to only visualise what we want to come to pass. If a negative or detrimental thought comes into your head, clear it. Become aware of your thoughts and clear the unhelpful ones. The power of positive thinking is phenomenal.
My second obstacle was the actual making of my blog. I can’t use technology. It makes me feel physically sick even thinking about plugging a DVD player in. But I was determined to do this. I pulled in the help of a good friend and he generously and patiently donated some of his free time helping me to learn how to use word press and transform my ideas into visuals. Even with his help though, it was pretty stressful. It took me HOURS to do simple things. I kept losing stuff. Forgetting stuff. Breaking stuff. There were so many tears. Far too much shouting. My boyfriend was working loads and had his own deadlines, I was at home with three children but with a head buzzing full of ideas I wanted to get down. I couldn’t get anything done. I felt frustrated. I was stuck in this place where I have all these duties like laundry and feeding children and playing and clearing up and school runs and shopping…. And I was being told that I’m important too. What I want to do for myself, outside of this, is important too. But I couldn’t do it. It was too much.
I didn’t want to give up. I think that’s what made me so sad and so angry. This is something I need to do. But I felt like I should. Everything and everyone was suffering because I had decided to do something for myself. However, unlike my first obstacle, I consciously decided NOT to quit. I sat in tears plugging away at it. It took me 2 weeks to work out how to use wordpress – the simplest blogging site on the internet. Jesus Christ is all I have to say about that. Everytime I felt too tired or too stuck or too frustrated I thought about the word ‘obstacle’ and looked at it in a very different way. My thoughts have transformed from ‘No, this is too much. I can’t handle this’ to ‘I can’t handle this! But I have to get over it. End of ‘. Had I decided to quit, I know that everyone around me would have supported me and agreed that it was just too much at the moment. Made me feel better. Justified my giving up. Maybe it is too much right now but when won’t it be? When it’s too late.
If you want to succeed in anything you can’t quit. You have to be prepared that the very first thing you are going to encounter is an obstacle. A test of how much you want what you are going for. Then you’re going to hit another and another and another. Then some more. Your attitude and how you deal with them is what will determine your fate.
Every obstacle. Every single one, no matter how big or small or how exhausting and hard it is, you have to go over. The tougher it feels the harder you have to focus. Success takes determination and moving forward relentlessly. If you stop, no matter how far you have gone, if you stop at an obstacle in your path that is between you and your final goal, you won’t succeed. It’s pretty simple. This is a level I’ve never played on. It feels empowering and once you are on the other side of the obstacle you feel like you can overcome anything.
We are almost at the end of the beginning.
Next blog Day #7. Making plans.
Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to jump on board with this. Xx