Day #194 – Happy to be alive

C/o the best friend I could ever ask for. X

C/o the best friend I could ever ask for who has been my absolute rock X

I am so happy at this moment in time that I could cry.

I feel overwhelmed by people’s kindness and love. Think I’m turning emo. Been writing songs too. Jesus…

The last week has been crazy. It’s been the worst time of my entire life. I can say that with all of my conviction. I didn’t think I could cope. I thought I was going to collapse under the stress. I didn’t know what to do. Where to go… I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. And amongst all of that I had my children. My small beautiful noisy little children. I was a terrible mother. I felt like giving up on everything. I literally had nothing left. I felt trapped by my situation and had no idea how I was going to deal with that.

On top of that what was I going to do now about my music stuff? How the hell am I going to ‘make it’ now?! How am I going to even have the time or the mental capacity to make music and push myself forward?

I think its important to share that its not been easy. Break ups are ugly. The sentiment behind them can be beautiful but the physical slog of it is ugly. It can easily become mean and raw. I have a new level of understanding on why people stay together because they have children. Separating is sore. I decided today that I’m going to only focus on forgiveness.

It’s true what the voices say. It’s got to get really really dark before you see the sunshine again. You can’t imagine a darkness like that. You just can’t.  I met my darkness. I embraced him and he turned me around and showed me the most amount of light I’ve ever seen. This is clearly metaphorical. The only real voice I have in my head at the moment is the one telling me to drink wine. Im doing my best to ignore him.

I feel amazing in myself. I feel light. I feel free. I feel like I can breathe again and I hadn’t even realised that I’d previously stopped. I feel like I have everything and need nothing. Maybe this is bliss. I don’t even care. I’m just going to sit here and bathe in it because it’s been too long. It’s been way too long. How did I forget this?

I love life so much. I always have. I love it for all its ups and downs. I love experiencing its extremities. I love how just when you think you’re at rock bottom, something beautiful happens and you’re rescued. I suppose that is because I see life as a journey full of lessons and nothing more. Life is certainly nothing but magical. I have so much faith that everything is unfolding just as it should.

So here’s to the dark times. Thank you for making me appreciate the great and making me stronger and better. X

Aren’t you following me yet?! Oh come on! Get with the times people! No really, could you please add me to your networks and share the hell out of my posts… X

Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich

Instagram – http://www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

Youtube – http://www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

 

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2 responses to “Day #194 – Happy to be alive

  1. Women like you are an inspiration; I can matter of factly say that with not one ounce of dishonesty. Some people you feel, some you don’t & your warm kind thoughtful persona radiates through your work! You are clearly a straight shooter who writes from the heart. I always make ten mins to read through your work Gemma because your an inspiration. Keep going xx

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