Don’t you just love the first week of January?! Everybody gets so excited at the end of December. Here it comes! Everything is going to change as the clock strikes midnight on the 31st. Life is going to suddenly be awesome! All the things that were giving you grief will magically disappear and you’ll be enlightened. Well here she is, in all her anti climaxing glory.
Happy New Year! Sorry should I have sugar coated her a bit more? Perhaps I can get you a donut.
You see, New Year actually means jack crap. Nothing is going to change of its own accord. You have to change it. You have to decide. You have to decide to stop your negative behaviour. You have to decide to stop letting other people affect you. You have to decide what you want and then put it into action. Yourself. At any given moment.
I feel grateful every single day that I have so many awesome things going on in my life right now and the opportunity to explore the things that I love to do. I’m so lucky. I’m singing a lot. I’m recording a lot. I’m learning how to use recording equipment. I’m co hosting an awesome radio show. I’m writing. I’m researching. I’m finally in a band! I’m doing some PR work on the side of that. I have a bunch of incredible friends who have been like rocks to me of late and three hilarious little girls that are bursting with love and potential.
On the other side of that though I feel like I’m in actual hell. I’m utterly and completely overwhelmed by how much I am doing and have to do. I’m trying to figure out how and when I’m putting carrots on the table. I’m looking after three incredible but demanding children. I’m sitting on this heavy broken heart. I just lost my best friend. But if I don’t do the awesome stuff above, then I’ll slip into this awful hole of a place. I know it well. I can’t stop. It’s not an option at all. So what to do Rose?
Im not one for New Year’s resolutions. I don’t really understand why you should wait until the turn of the calendar year to make changes to your life for a week. But I do understand making changes. And finding solutions to situations that aren’t serving you.
I feel like I need to find some balance. I need to schedule in sleep. I need to sleep. She says, sipping coffee and updating her blog with her eyeballs resting on the keyboard. And I need to nurture myself in a way that isn’t doing work. My free time is half that of a regular person (and also probably a lot more than other regular persons) so I’m always hell bent on cramming everything and anything in. There’s always something I want to learn or do. I can’t sit still. I need to learn how but the thought makes me screw my face up. I need to learn to balance my two entirely polar opposite lives. One minute I’m home giving everything I have to my children and the next I’m standing by myself, working like a crazy person making music and writing. Quite often with a beer in my hand.
Then I read this.
‘Live life in all possible ways; don’t choose one thing against the other, and don’t try to be in the middle. Don’t try to balance yourself – balance is not something that can be cultivated. Balance is something that comes out of experiencing all the dimensions of life. Balance is something that happens; it is not something that can be brought about through your efforts. If you bring it through your efforts it will be false, forced. And you will remain tense, you will not be relaxed, because how can a person who is trying to remain balanced in the middle be relaxed? You will always be afraid that if you relax you may start moving to the left or to the right. You are bound to remain uptight, and to be uptight is to miss the whole opportunity, the whole gift of life.
Don’t be uptight. Don’t live life according to principles. Live life in its totality, drink life in its totality! Yes, sometimes it tastes bitter – so what? That taste of bitterness will make you capable of tasting its sweetness. You will be able to appreciate the sweetness only if you have tasted its bitterness. One who knows not how to cry will not know how to laugh, either. One who cannot enjoy a deep laughter, a belly laugh, that person’s tears will be crocodile tears. They cannot be true, they cannot be authentic.
I don’t teach the middle way, I teach the total way. Then a balance comes of its own accord, and then that balance has tremendous beauty and grace. You have not forced it, it has simply come. By moving gracefully to the left, to the right, in the middle, slowly a balance comes to you because you remain so unidentified. When sadness comes, you know it will pass, and when happiness comes you know that will pass, too. Nothing remains; everything passes by. The only thing that always abides is your witnessing. That witnessing brings balance. That witnessing is balance.’ – The Book Of Understanding, Osho
In life, all opposites are joined together. They exist together. The art is finding the middle. The perfect balance. It’ll come when it’s good and ready.
Life is a crazy thing. Live it totally and true to yourself. The rest will follow.
When I find the next bit of mind blowing inspiration that will see us all out of this blue, full mooning, first week of January, I’ll let you know.
Until then I say hide.
That is all.
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