Tag Archives: acceptance

Day #338 – Just like this.

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There is not one single other human being on this planet that is like you. You’re an intricate, complicated, beautiful individual and you’re the best at it. You’re not just someones sister or brother. You’re not just a parent. Or a banker or a doctor or a teacher. Or any of the jobs. Those can be used as ways to describe the things you do or your position in a family or your own community. But that’s not YOU. We all have our own thing. We all come with our own sense of magic and strength. You’re not a patchwork of other peoples ideas and opinions. Think back to when you were a kid. Before you started to care what other people thought. Before people told you who you were. You were fantastic at being yourself. You didn’t cover up your differences. You will always be the best at being you. Why would you want to be something or someone else? Your beauty is infinite.

If we look around the natural world we observe and appreciate this very fact. We don’t look at a blade of grass and think why isn’t it a flower? Why can’t it be a tree? We accept it as it is. It’s perfect. It’s a blade of grass. It’s doing what it’s been made to do. Well, we’re exactly the same but sadly social conditioning has made us think otherwise. I am a huge fan of Alan Watts. He said this. I think we should take note.

‘Regard yourself as a cloud… in the flesh. Clouds never make mistakes. Did you ever see a cloud that was misshapen?  Did you ever see a badly designed wave? No! They always do the right thing. If you treat yourself for a while as a cloud, or wave, and realise that you can’t make a mistake whatever you do because even if you do something that seems to be totally disastrous is will all come out in the wash somehow or other. Then through this capacity you will develop a kind of confidence and through confidence you will be able to trust your own intuition.

It has nothing to do with your decision or not… You are like cloud and water.’ – Alan Watts

We need to develop an inner state of mind that is like the sky. The sky just is. It doesn’t congratulate itself for making a rainbow. It doesn’t ask for approval. It doesn’t ask the sun ‘Is this rainbow ok? Can I do better? Should I have used different colours?’ It doesn’t apologise when it’s raining. It knows that above the rainbows and the storms the sun is still shining. It’s just the sky. It’s the best at being the sky. You’re the best at being you and you can’t make a ‘mistake’.

We live in a state of mind and a society of approval addiction. We have a desire to be liked. We want to be recognised. We want what we are doing to be noticed. We want other people to like what we’re doing because we have this intrinsic need to be accepted. We look outside of ourselves for someone else to tell us that we’re doing the right thing, that what we are doing is good and worthwhile. This can be really debilitating. No, it is debilitating. There’s no ‘can be’ about it. We have been programmed as adults to search for other peoples approval and then mistake it for our own. If you can accept yourself totally as an individual then there is no need for outside approval. Just approve of yourself. If you spent as much time working on that as you do chasing other people’s approval, the shift you feel inside of yourself would astound you.

We are all born absolutely complete with one note to sing.  You just have to discover it and put it into practice. It doesn’t matter what other people think  as long as you are living your own joy and bliss. Is it making you happy? Does it feel right in your being? Surely that’s all that matters? If what you have created is a perfect reflection of your talents and ideas and how you perceive the world around you, what does it matter to anybody outside of you? People who resonate with you will get it. People who resonate differently won’t get it at all. It doesn’t matter. Don’t stop to think about what other people think about you. It’s a learnt behaviour and it can absolutely be unlearnt.

Shine. Don’t be like anybody else. Infact, be unlike everyone else.

Be as good at being you as you can. X

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Day #295 – Delicious ambiguity.

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I’ve done gone did it again. Twenty three days of silence. Twenty three days. That’s just short of a month. Even though I know how this all works. How you have to keep going when you don’t want to. How shit happens and you have to get right back up and keep walking. How when you feel like quitting and giving everything up you have to focus even harder. I know all of that. As do you. Didn’t stop me though. I’ve been busy thought gathering.

I’m here now. For the moment. This little heart of mine is relentless. Sometimes I  wish it craved stability and normality.

I’ve been pretty stressed about everything. Think I’ve mentioned that far too many times. I’m bored of it too. I haven’t wanted to write anything. Nothing inspiring at least. Nothing I’ve wanted to share. I’m so tired of people having an opinion on what and how I’m doing things in the real world, writing has just felt like giving them more ammunition to silently fire my way. I’ve been feeling somewhat naive and stupid. Perhaps even displaced. But I guess me being quiet would make me the loser in the long run.

I’ve been stressed because things haven’t felt like they are ‘going to plan’. Things have certainly been moving and developing but not how I had planned. I had this list of things I ‘should’ be doing. How to get from A to B. How to win. I threw my list away. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to do all the things I’ve been advised I ‘should’ do to succeed. There’s been a shift.

With my new found acceptance of life came something else. Trust.

Life just isn’t something you can plan out. It’s an uncertain, ever evolving, inexplicable old thing. You can work towards things and you can have an idea of how you want everything to pan out, but as for having control on how and when that happens. I’m not sure we have all that much say in it. Spanners happen. Things don’t work out exactly how we imagined. Then what? We run around in circles searching, panicking about what to do instead. Worrying it’s not going to plan. What if we just trusted that everything is unfolding exactly as it should? Everything will be alright in the end. Weezer said so.

A friend of mine was really upset recently. They had put all of their hopes into getting this promotion at work and planned the next few years of their life around it. When it didn’t happen they were really upset. All they could see was that they were stuck on the same pay scale in the same job going nowhere and everybody around them was moving up the ladder. They mustn’t be good enough. At that moment, even though I was trying to point out that something better would come along, that it wasn’t the right position, because their ‘plan’ had failed, they couldn’t see anything else. Nothing better was going to come. There was nothing better.

They’ve just been offered a much better job. With much better prospects. Doing exactly what they wanted to do. They didn’t see it before. But it was there all along, right in front of them. Do they care about the job that didn’t happen anymore? Not so much. This is way better. It’s the same for you. Maybe this isn’t unfolding as and how you had hoped. But it’s certainly unfolding and going SOMEWHERE. Whatsoever you are doing will help you grow and see new things.

It’s easy to do with hindsight. We can look at things and say that everything happened for a reason and without each step, both positive and negative, we wouldn’t be where we are today. If we can do it with hindsight, I’m sure we can do it in the present moment too. Just trust that as you’re doing your very best and working in the right direction, it’ll all work out. It just will. And if you have no idea what direction to go in, trust that something will be put in front of you. You just have to jump with no thought of what might happen next. Even if the idea scares you to death. Keep your eyes open and ears to the ground. If what you want to work out doesn’t happen as and when you want it, something else equally awesome will. You might not end up where you thought you were going but you’ll end up somewhere. You don’t need to make sense of it right now.

Not everything can be controlled. Maybe that’s the point X

Music stuff… 

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Day #262 – It is what it is what it is.

 

The last 3 months I have been in proper turmoil with myself. My mind has been a chaotic, confused, helpless space. I’ve been waging this weird war inside my head. Struggling, beating myself up, questioning, begging… trying to fix things. Find things. Find an answer to all of this.

But then one day, I just decided from somewhere that it was enough now. I have to accept things as they are. Which you know… got me thinking.

When somebody tells you to ‘accept things’ we automatically associate that with settling. With not striving. With making do. With not trying to make things better. I’ve learnt that actually, it’s not that at all. Accepting is not the same as resigning yourself to the situation that you are so desperately trying to escape or better.

There’s absolutely no point in struggling against the things that you cannot change. Or the people you cannot change. Wishing that things were different. What could have been. What might be. If you just do this. Just do that… Stop! Accept things literally as they are. Right now. Even if you don’t like it. It’s the absolute and fundamental first step. This is your present moment.

No amount of wishing your situation away or rejecting it is going to make it go away. Rather than getting angry about it, blaming other people for it or shouting about how downright unfair life is, just accept that this is where you are right now. This is what is at your table. Have a good look at it. Get to know it. How does it make you feel? By looking at it square on, you know exactly what you’re playing with. If you don’t like it, it’s absolutely possible to change it, but you must accept it first. It’s imperative. Also the more you struggle and work against what you’re being dealt, the more energy you’re giving it. Have we learnt what that does yet? Makes it bigger. Stop feeding it.

We all have real life covering us. With real life comes responsibilities and restrictions at different times. One minute you’re flying high and the next you’re getting punched in the guts. Welcome to life! I know that I’m guilty of wishing some of my responsibilities away at different times. I’ve had this constant battle inside of late to push things forward quickly. This constant worry that if I don’t act immediately everything will pass me by and I’ll only be left with ‘real life’. The thought terrifies me. This music thing HAS to happen for me. I literally don’t even know what I’ll do if it doesn’t. But with that thought, comes a constant state of striving and looking to the future. Waiting. When’s it going to happen? Have I screwed it up? What if that was my best and only option? What I’ve started to do instead is just accept that this right here is where I am. It’s neither good or bad. It’s just my place. It’s very different to the place I was in 6 months ago and I’m sure in 6 months from now, I’ll say the same. I’ve decided to stop struggling. Here is where I am, and actually, looking around… It’s pretty sweet. I am so fortunate.

Trust that everything is unfolding just as it should. Every single situation that you find yourself in is preparing you for your desired goal. Your divine purpose. I remember when I first started and I thought I’d never get anyone to read my blog, I had no idea how I was going to even record a song. The band that I’m in were played on BBC Radio 6 music last night. Could I have foreseen that? Expected it? Absolutely not. If you look back 6 months at your own life, you’ll see that too. Stop trying to swim upstream and flap around. You’ll drown. Come this way. Float down the river.

Accepting things doesn’t mean sitting back and doing nothing. By no means. Nothing happens if you don’t work hard for it. Accepting things is a state of mind. Observe and accept that where you are and what you are doing right at this moment has it’s own role in your grand scheme. As you begin to accept your current self you can also plan for a brighter future. You’ll be able to see much more clearly where and what you you need to stop fighting with.

Sometimes the things that we have to accept aren’t things that we have inflicted on ourselves. They are nobody’s fault and out of everybody’s control. But as soon as we accept and own our situation, a certain power fills your bones. You’re back in control and you can look at things in a more manageable way. This is what you’ve got. What are you going to do with it? How are you going to deal with it?

Nobody said it was easy x

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