Tag Archives: cosmic ordering

Day #295 – Delicious ambiguity.

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I’ve done gone did it again. Twenty three days of silence. Twenty three days. That’s just short of a month. Even though I know how this all works. How you have to keep going when you don’t want to. How shit happens and you have to get right back up and keep walking. How when you feel like quitting and giving everything up you have to focus even harder. I know all of that. As do you. Didn’t stop me though. I’ve been busy thought gathering.

I’m here now. For the moment. This little heart of mine is relentless. Sometimes I  wish it craved stability and normality.

I’ve been pretty stressed about everything. Think I’ve mentioned that far too many times. I’m bored of it too. I haven’t wanted to write anything. Nothing inspiring at least. Nothing I’ve wanted to share. I’m so tired of people having an opinion on what and how I’m doing things in the real world, writing has just felt like giving them more ammunition to silently fire my way. I’ve been feeling somewhat naive and stupid. Perhaps even displaced. But I guess me being quiet would make me the loser in the long run.

I’ve been stressed because things haven’t felt like they are ‘going to plan’. Things have certainly been moving and developing but not how I had planned. I had this list of things I ‘should’ be doing. How to get from A to B. How to win. I threw my list away. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to do all the things I’ve been advised I ‘should’ do to succeed. There’s been a shift.

With my new found acceptance of life came something else. Trust.

Life just isn’t something you can plan out. It’s an uncertain, ever evolving, inexplicable old thing. You can work towards things and you can have an idea of how you want everything to pan out, but as for having control on how and when that happens. I’m not sure we have all that much say in it. Spanners happen. Things don’t work out exactly how we imagined. Then what? We run around in circles searching, panicking about what to do instead. Worrying it’s not going to plan. What if we just trusted that everything is unfolding exactly as it should? Everything will be alright in the end. Weezer said so.

A friend of mine was really upset recently. They had put all of their hopes into getting this promotion at work and planned the next few years of their life around it. When it didn’t happen they were really upset. All they could see was that they were stuck on the same pay scale in the same job going nowhere and everybody around them was moving up the ladder. They mustn’t be good enough. At that moment, even though I was trying to point out that something better would come along, that it wasn’t the right position, because their ‘plan’ had failed, they couldn’t see anything else. Nothing better was going to come. There was nothing better.

They’ve just been offered a much better job. With much better prospects. Doing exactly what they wanted to do. They didn’t see it before. But it was there all along, right in front of them. Do they care about the job that didn’t happen anymore? Not so much. This is way better. It’s the same for you. Maybe this isn’t unfolding as and how you had hoped. But it’s certainly unfolding and going SOMEWHERE. Whatsoever you are doing will help you grow and see new things.

It’s easy to do with hindsight. We can look at things and say that everything happened for a reason and without each step, both positive and negative, we wouldn’t be where we are today. If we can do it with hindsight, I’m sure we can do it in the present moment too. Just trust that as you’re doing your very best and working in the right direction, it’ll all work out. It just will. And if you have no idea what direction to go in, trust that something will be put in front of you. You just have to jump with no thought of what might happen next. Even if the idea scares you to death. Keep your eyes open and ears to the ground. If what you want to work out doesn’t happen as and when you want it, something else equally awesome will. You might not end up where you thought you were going but you’ll end up somewhere. You don’t need to make sense of it right now.

Not everything can be controlled. Maybe that’s the point X

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Day #271 – I am a disappointment…

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… I am also kind.

I think I’m struggling to keep my head above the water but I can’t tell because I’m kicking so hard I have no idea what’s going on around me. Maybe I’m drowning. Maybe I’m a human dolphin. I’ve been told I’m a disappointment until sometimes I can’t move. I’ve been told that other people share this sentiment. I’ve been told that I’m not hated… But other people ‘disapprove’ of me. People I really cared about. People I thought were awesome. You tell anybody this for long enough, you’ll break them. They won’t be able to hear the other people around them saying nice things. The strangers thanking them. Day in, day out I’ve been asked to recount and explain myself.  Sometimes I’m good enough, most of the time I’m not. I’ll never be forgiven for this thing that wasn’t that thing at all. Sometimes it’s easier to blame somebody else than look at an entire picture. 

But I’ve had it. It’s too much. Perhaps I am a disappointment to some people. That’s ok. Nobody knows the truth. I do. I know the entire truth. Nobody’s really bothered to ask. We should all be taught when we are young that we are going to go through life disappointing people one after the other. Instead we are taught “Don’t disappoint!”, “Disappointing people is bad!” As a result we live our entire lives trying to please other people and worrying about what everyone else thinks of us. Even if you were as perfect as they come, you’d still disappoint someone somewhere. It’s the trouble with humans. As long as you’re not disappointing yourself, that’s all that matters. And if you do screw up and do a tiny thing on your massive journey that makes you disappointed in yourself. Say sorry. Be sorry. Show that you’re sorry. Do everything that you can to remedy that situation and support the people that you may have hurt (and yourself). Don’t do it again. Learn from it. But most importantly, forgive yourself and keep walking. Don’t kill yourself over it. What the hell is the point beating yourself up over things you can’t change or undo? Some people will never understand you or want to for that matter. Do you realise how short life is? We could all be dead tomorrow. That’s the reality. Grab life and screw what everyone else thinks.

I’m learning that no matter what other people think of you, you have to look after yourself first and foremost. If the people around you don’t make you feel good – don’t be around them anymore. Why are you inviting someone into your life, out of choice, that doesn’t make you feel good? Nobody’s friendship is that special or worth it if they don’t bring out the best in you and love you as you are. Nobody’s. Sometimes that hurts. Actually it really hurts. Loving someone and wanting to be a positive influence in their life and being met with hostility and rejection hurts. But so do unsupportive friendships. Friends are kind beings and friendship is a two way street. Don’t forget that. We are all worthy of being surrounded by kindness.

I’ve been trying to work out how I can use my current situation to help other people in relation to the whole cosmic ordering business. Chasing your dreams. Living your dreams. Being yourself. And I guess it’s just this, which I’ve said a few times before. Life is never going to be smooth. Stop waiting for things to calm down to start your project or your business or your class. Whatever it is that you want to do or wherever it is you want to go. Stop waiting. The perfect time doesn’t exist and I can pretty much guarantee that it will be much harder than you can even imagine no matter how ‘perfect’ you have timed and planned things. Something unexpected will always happen. When the going gets rough, you can’t give up. As much as you want to. Stay focused and know that all the things that are problems now will be distant memories one day. If you give up, nothing’s going to change. You have to start and you have to carry on, amidst everything. It blows, but the alternative blows more.

Hi. I’m a human. I make mistakes. Other people do too. Nice to meet you. X

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Day #171 – Be a beautiful butterfly.

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I’m working through a section in my Cosmic Ordering book, the one by Stephen Richards, which teaches you to empty yourself of ‘Catastrophic Vibrational Negativity’. It runs through a bunch of areas in our lives we can eliminate negativity so that we attract more of what we want and are open to greatness.

We all have bad thoughts sometimes. We all think badly about something or someone at some point in our lives. We’re human. It would be nice if we could stop it though wouldn’t it?

Judging other people creates bad karma for yourself. Whaaat? How does that work?! You hear about someone who is doing something really terrible. You judge them, brand them as a bad person, you think you’re better than them in some way. They must have really bad karma now. Well, yes, maybe. But you do too. Sorry aboot that…

Thoughts are energy. Energy vibrates at different frequencies. Whilst causing harm to other people is a negative and low frequency, so is judging. We are not Gods. We are not here to judge other people and their actions. We are here to live our own truths. We can discourage others to do harmful things. We can disagree with their actions even. Judging is something different. It’s negative. And remember, what you put out, you get back three fold.

Ain’t so fun wearing the judges hat now is it.

I used to be guilty of judging others when it came to parenting. I guess most parents are. It’s horrible. I didn’t mean to. But I’d see a wild child being given treats or a mother calling her child a’ see you next Tuesday’ and I couldn’t help but judge them. I’d label them as bad parents in my mind… Then I had some more children and I actually understand now. I’m at home calling my baby all names under the sun because she won’t stop crying and bribing my toddler with candy so she eats her dinner because I’m so ridiculously tired and I realise, I’m just the same. Who am I to judge? I’m just hiding it better.

We all have a Hitler in us. And we all have a Mother Teresa. We just have to decide which one we are going to nourish. Louise Hay said that. She’s full of wisdom.

Let’s nourish Miss Teresa.

Rather than judging other people, their decisions and their lives why don’t we try something else? Why don’t we offer to help? For example, if I see a mother in the street not coping with her child, rather than walking past and frowning at her as she publically swears at her child, what if I asked her if she’s ok? Can I do something to help her? I could listen to her. I could sympathise with her. Alright, so maybe she might not appreciate that exactly. But we can usually tell whether or not it would help to get involved. I don’t know what is going on with her in her life. I read once that if we all knew each other’s history and life story it would be impossible to feel anything but love.

That’s just an example. You’ll have to work out what yours is and how you’re going to address it. Drop me a line if you need some help working it out. It’s not always so clean cut. You can find out how to contact me via the ‘contact’ tab funnily enough

We also judge our friends and our family members. How they’re living their lives. Why aren’t they doing this? Why ARE they doing that? We wouldn’t do it like that. They can’t be happy. This one always gets me – how they are spending their money! Who cares how other people are spending their money!? It’s theirs! Worry about your own. The only reason people judge others financial situations is fear and jealousy. Take care of your own chickens.

If you don’t like to be judged. Don’t judge others. It’s not our place and it’s not nice. X

You know the drill… If you missed my last post, you should check out my youtube channel. There’s a new tune up with another on its little way!

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Merci buckets Xxx