Tag Archives: faith

Day #262 – It is what it is what it is.

 

The last 3 months I have been in proper turmoil with myself. My mind has been a chaotic, confused, helpless space. I’ve been waging this weird war inside my head. Struggling, beating myself up, questioning, begging… trying to fix things. Find things. Find an answer to all of this.

But then one day, I just decided from somewhere that it was enough now. I have to accept things as they are. Which you know… got me thinking.

When somebody tells you to ‘accept things’ we automatically associate that with settling. With not striving. With making do. With not trying to make things better. I’ve learnt that actually, it’s not that at all. Accepting is not the same as resigning yourself to the situation that you are so desperately trying to escape or better.

There’s absolutely no point in struggling against the things that you cannot change. Or the people you cannot change. Wishing that things were different. What could have been. What might be. If you just do this. Just do that… Stop! Accept things literally as they are. Right now. Even if you don’t like it. It’s the absolute and fundamental first step. This is your present moment.

No amount of wishing your situation away or rejecting it is going to make it go away. Rather than getting angry about it, blaming other people for it or shouting about how downright unfair life is, just accept that this is where you are right now. This is what is at your table. Have a good look at it. Get to know it. How does it make you feel? By looking at it square on, you know exactly what you’re playing with. If you don’t like it, it’s absolutely possible to change it, but you must accept it first. It’s imperative. Also the more you struggle and work against what you’re being dealt, the more energy you’re giving it. Have we learnt what that does yet? Makes it bigger. Stop feeding it.

We all have real life covering us. With real life comes responsibilities and restrictions at different times. One minute you’re flying high and the next you’re getting punched in the guts. Welcome to life! I know that I’m guilty of wishing some of my responsibilities away at different times. I’ve had this constant battle inside of late to push things forward quickly. This constant worry that if I don’t act immediately everything will pass me by and I’ll only be left with ‘real life’. The thought terrifies me. This music thing HAS to happen for me. I literally don’t even know what I’ll do if it doesn’t. But with that thought, comes a constant state of striving and looking to the future. Waiting. When’s it going to happen? Have I screwed it up? What if that was my best and only option? What I’ve started to do instead is just accept that this right here is where I am. It’s neither good or bad. It’s just my place. It’s very different to the place I was in 6 months ago and I’m sure in 6 months from now, I’ll say the same. I’ve decided to stop struggling. Here is where I am, and actually, looking around… It’s pretty sweet. I am so fortunate.

Trust that everything is unfolding just as it should. Every single situation that you find yourself in is preparing you for your desired goal. Your divine purpose. I remember when I first started and I thought I’d never get anyone to read my blog, I had no idea how I was going to even record a song. The band that I’m in were played on BBC Radio 6 music last night. Could I have foreseen that? Expected it? Absolutely not. If you look back 6 months at your own life, you’ll see that too. Stop trying to swim upstream and flap around. You’ll drown. Come this way. Float down the river.

Accepting things doesn’t mean sitting back and doing nothing. By no means. Nothing happens if you don’t work hard for it. Accepting things is a state of mind. Observe and accept that where you are and what you are doing right at this moment has it’s own role in your grand scheme. As you begin to accept your current self you can also plan for a brighter future. You’ll be able to see much more clearly where and what you you need to stop fighting with.

Sometimes the things that we have to accept aren’t things that we have inflicted on ourselves. They are nobody’s fault and out of everybody’s control. But as soon as we accept and own our situation, a certain power fills your bones. You’re back in control and you can look at things in a more manageable way. This is what you’ve got. What are you going to do with it? How are you going to deal with it?

Nobody said it was easy x

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Day #153 – Teething Problems.

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After my last post Day #147 – Master your time I thought I had this whole thing covered. I did. I had a plan. I wrote it down. What my plan didn’t take into consideration was that I’m not on my own. Maybe you’re not either. My plans can be numb chucked and karate kicked in the face by 4 significant others. One significant other is trying their personal best to make me stop this. Guess they’ve never heard that saying ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… ‘

I’m not going to stop. They can make it as hard as they like.

I finally have my recording equipment so I can record at home. The plan is to upload something new each week. My friend helped me install everything and showed me briefly what buttons to press. He made it look really simple. With hindsight, it’s his job. Today I came to recording my song. Oh my God. Honestly, I’m just hideous. I don’t know whether to puke or cry. It took an entire morning to stop the vocals sounding like Cher singing ‘Do you believe in life after love?’ Should I mention the first 20 minutes when I couldn’t get the mic to pick up any sound? I eventually pressed the power button. None of this comes naturally to me yet. I realised that I should have picked something much easier to record for my first go. Now I’m faffing around trying to put in backing vocals. Then the children came home. They make a lot of noise so it was game over for today. I also need to delete everything I recorded and start again. You’re telling me.

Sooooo as you can see, I’m encountering some teething problems.  I encounter teething problems with every single thing I set out to do. I guess that’s normal. I have learnt by now that the greatest things in life take the most effort. The awesome thing having encountered so many, mainly technical, issues is that having ploughed through them, I know I’ll find a way through this too. Google helps with that. As do some amazing friends. The things that I thought were impossible are now actually really easy. I know this will be the same.

On top of that thinking though, I need to change the way I approach new and technical situations. If I’m saying ‘I can’t, I’m not going to be able to, I’m not good at that’ before I’ve even tried, then the Law Of Attraction is just going to prove me right. And it does. Every single time. Think positive. Think yes.

Garageband. You’re mine.  X

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Day #132 – Keep walking.

Keep moving forwards. Daily.

Keep moving forwards. Daily.

You can’t always plan your route because sometimes there isn’t one. If it were as easy as following a route, doing A, B and C then I’m sure many more of  us would be living our happily ever afters. Sorry folks. Life’s tougher than that. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible though.

Sometimes that can be challenging. Working really hard for something you have no idea how or when will come about. It’s like your working blind in a way. You can’t see that all the small steps you are taking are bringing you closer to your dream. The masses of effort you’re putting in ARE paying off. You become so consumed with where you want to be, you forget to look out the window. The journey is part of it. Most of it.

Remember why you started this in the first place. Remember how you felt when you took the first step towards reaching your goals. Keep that in your mind. Look back at how far you have come already! You’re facing in the right direction now. We just need to keep walking.

A change may be just around the corner. We can’t see it. As humans we like to be in control. We like to know everything. We struggle when we can’t see why and how something works or can happen. It’s times like this that people give up. Quit. Fail. They can’t see how so they don’t believe it can happen.

When you’re feeling like this it’s really important to remember there is usually more than one route to a destination and yours will be different to the person next to you. Pick 10 people doing your dream job and they will all have different experiences on how they got to where they are now. That should give you hope. Your route is as worthy. It’s your route! Lined with all the lessons and wisdom you need for when you get there. Sometimes we get lost and have to take another route. Sometimes that involves us going sideways for a bit to connect with another route forwards.

It could happen this way. It could happen that way. It could happen fast or slow. Just be open to the opportunities and changes that are put in your path. That’s all you can do. Keep growing and learning. Look for opportunities and work hard every single day.

When you arrive at your destination, you’ll look back and be so grateful for everything that you went through and learnt along the way. You’ll tell everyone it’s what made you. Right now, that’s tough to believe. But it’s true. The good things in life aren’t free…

Be assertive and pro active. Go create your life. X

 

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Thanks for the ongoing support and love. You’re amazing X

 

Day #68 – Progress report take 2.

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I feel like I got into a bit of a pickle.

I had a plan. It features on Day #7 of this blog. I thought that with a tight plan, determination and lashings of hard work, I couldn’t fail. For each month I wrote a list of things I had to achieve and complete. Each month I would build on the previous month. I’d climb up and up and up until I reached the top. I would never stop. Of course, I was ready for obstacles. I was ready to jump them. Eat them if i had to. I even planned lovely little rewards for myself at the end of each month. Because that is what all my research advised me to do. So I didn’t give up. My plan was fail proof. So I thought.

The thing with plans is that stuff happens, or doesn’t happen, that you didnt know about. Didn’t think about. Plans aren’t static! So you have to update your plan. I haven’t updated my plan. I’ve just been carrying on with the old one, not giving myself treats. I thought that’s how you deal with it. Error Gemma.

The other thing with plans is that as you start on your journey, you collect more ideas. Your plans grow. If you don’t update your plan then you get into a bit of a mess. I’m in a bit of a mess. I’m lost under this bundle of papers and music and ideas. Twitter. Facebook. Blog. Instagram. Marketing. Reading. What was I doing? Am I a writer now? Why am I writing? Should I be singing? Maybe I’ve got the wrong idea about my calling. Maybe I should write a book. You haven’t even uploaded music yet. What was the point of all of this in the beginning? How was I going to ‘make it’ again? That plan was good. Where’s that plan gone?

And that was just 15 seconds of typing my thoughts.

The little negative voice in my head is still there a bit. She’s kinder than she used to be. I’m trying to work with her. Clearly there are still a few ‘You’re not good enough’ thoughts lurking around. Much less than before. Progress.

On closer look at my Day #7 plan, my main ‘failing’ so far is the lack of youtube channel and recordings. I guess that was my main focus too. I was and still am eager to get recordings and videos up so I can start creating interest in my singing. What I failed to realise when you’ve never recorded music before and you don’t play your own instruments or write songs or know ANYTHING about technology, is that it actually takes a lot longer than I anticipated. First you have to find people to work with. Then you have to work with them. See if that works out. Everybody is on their own schedule. Most people have a full time job and other commitments they have to attend to. Just because you want to schedule something asap, doesn’t mean it’s possible for someone else. According to my initial plan, I should have 4 songs recorded and uploaded to my youtube channel. I have none.

New ideas have come up since I started cosmic ordering and the blog. This threw me off track a bit. I started to think and focus about my new ideas more than my initial idea. That’s the wrong way around. My initial idea needs to stay at the core. Unless I’ve suddenly decided my life long dream and burning desire to sing was all a facade. I can still write a book. But on the side. I can still do a personal development course and teach young women how to respect and love themselves. But on the side. I can still get in touch with SOS Children and start working with them. On. the. side. The rest will have to be written down and come back to. Mustn’t overwhelm myself or bite off more than I can chew in one go. Tweak plans. Don’t write a new one. Progress.

I’ve picked songs. I’ve sang songs. I’ve recorded a song. And a half. Ive blogged. I’ve tweeted. I’m learning how to use social media to promote myself and attract new followers. It’s slow progress. But it’s the tortoise that won the race right? I’ve got 2 wedding performances coming up in the next month. This friday I’m off to an actual recording studio to record new songs and a house studio to finish off the half recording. For the love of God let me produce something good! Progress.

10 weeks ago I was just a tired, done in, mother, busy looking after 3 demanding girls. Singing in the bathroom. Full of dreams I was too scared to share. I couldn’t really cope with that. I felt deeply unhappy that I wasn’t living my own truth. I didn’t think anything was possible for me outside having children. Now I’m a tired, occasionally done in mother, doing her damned hardest to make things happen for me and my family. I feel lighter and brighter. Everything feels balanced and as it should. We are finally on the right path. Pretty pleased with my progress actually.

My tweaked plan is more realistic. More focused. I’m not super human. No matter what I think. My goal hasn’t changed. Neither have my targets.

The game is still on.

Cosmic Order that. X

 

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Day #53 – Don’t quit.

We can create whatever we want. Whatever we believe about ourselves.

We can create whatever we want. Whatever we believe about ourselves.

Sometimes we have a great idea. We have a moment of enlightenment. We catch a rare glimpse of what our life could be like if we let it. If we just chased that dream. If we just took that leap of faith. We feel alive. Happy. Light. Everything is better. Then something else catches our attention. The phone rings. The boss asks you to do something. You have to pick the kids up from school. The woman in the supermarket is asking you for your club card. You hit back to reality and it feels somehow worse than it did before. You can’t really say why you’re suddenly feeling so irritable and discontent. You’re unaware of what just happened. Day dreaming is making your life miserable. You know exactly what you want, but you’re not going for it. You’re living this life that wasn’t really what you ever wanted.

What’s the answer?

Change it.

Yeah, it’s actually that simple.

First of all, I think it’s important to mention that every situation you find yourself in, you created. Whether you like it or not. You created it based on your beliefs about yourself. It’s what you thought you were worth. It’s as far as you wanted to push yourself. For whatever reason. But it was and is nobody else’s fault that you are where you are today. Owning your situation will make you feel more empowered to change. Forget what has happened in the past. The people that put you down, or made you feel like you weren’t good enough. Again, they were and are a mere projection of how you feel about yourself. Not every door is going to lead somewhere. That doesn’t mean that you are going to fail. It just means you need to try more doors. And you need to keep trying doors until one opens. You can’t stop halfway through and say it’s not working out. Of course it’s not working out. You’re going to quit. The next door might have been the right one! You’ll never know! Keep going. Next. Next. Next…

If you can imagine it. If you can feel it in your daydreams like it is so real, then it can be. Make it happen for yourself. Think about what you want. Entirely and fully. Imagine what it looks like, smells like, sounds like. Imagine how you feel. Where are you? What do you look like? Are you standing different? Are you more confident? If you are miserable because you are not doing what you really want to be doing, then do it. You CANT fail.

The only tool you need is faith. Get rid of your safety harness. Prove to the world what you want. Know what you want. Be specific. Visualise it. Work hard. But don’t worry about how it is going to come about. Sometimes we find opportunity in the strangest of places. Tell everyone who asks you what you’re up to. THIS IS WHAT I’M UP TO! Get in touch with people. Ask people. Someone is always listening. Work on what you want to do every single day. Prepare yourself and your ‘product’ so you’re ready for the next step. Send out the right message.

If you have a list of excuses and reasons that are holding you back, please send them in to me. I’d be more than happy to destroy them for you. Infact please, that would bring me a lot of joy. Send me your dream and why you can’t do it. Anonymously if you must. Contact details are under the tab ‘Contact’ oddly. I’ll blog my favourites as working examples. The only underlying reason that holds any of us back is that we don’t love ourselves. It’s like we’re taught it’s a sin. I’ll blog about this next. It’s important.

It might be stressful. You might get knocked back a lot of times. But keep getting up. Keep moving forwards. Keep on and on and on. Even when you’re crying and saying I can’t do this anymore. Keep doing it some more. What’s the alternative? Curling up in a ball of regret? Nah. Keep working at it. It is tiring. And sometimes you really just don’t want to do it anymore. Someone just make it stop. Unfortunately, it won’t stop. It will never stop, because this is what you’re supposed to do. It’s what your being desires. It won’t stop until you’ve done everything you feel you ever could to make it happen.

Then it’s all Bam. You’ve made it. You’re the new Harry Potter. X

 

Day #36 – The key.

It is near on impossible to stay and be positive all day every day. Well it is for me anyway. I need help. Maybe if I went and spent some delicious time in a peace camp with monks for a few months, I would feel like a dream. Alas, I am here. Very far from camp peace.

Sometimes you just feel like giving up. Like what is the point in all of this? What am I even bothering with all of this for? We’re all tired. We’re behind with everything because I’ve been using a lot of my energy on new things. I’m not sure my house has EVER been this dirty. It’s driving me mad. Don’t believe me? Ask the neighbours. Who incidentally are selling their house. Hope it’s got nothing to do with me being a screaming banshee.

I still want everything I always wanted. I’m just feeling a little mediocre. I’m starting to question why I’m doing this. I’m probably just tired. I am pretty exhausted. I want to lie down and wait for the record label to knock on the door whilst I’m having a nap. I’m not going to do that. I can’t. But it’s really what my body wants to do. Come on Polydor, let’s meet in a lucid dream. I guess we all have our little demons inside that hold us back. If I strip back my thoughts, ‘Im tired, I can’t be bothered’ actually translates to ‘You’re not good enough, so why are you wasting your time’. Bad inner voice. I am good enough. We all are. It’s helpful to stop and think for a while though, what is it that’s holding you back? What is it that stops you before you’ve reached your goal? Are your old thought patterns holding you back? Is it low self esteem? That what you’re striving for has changed and you haven’t realised yet? Are we just lazy? Maybe we don’t want it enough. No? Prove it. Succeed.

Then I watched this. If you’re reading this in your email you might have to jump on wordpress to access the link. My brother emailed it to me. Then I saw this man’s name everywhere, before I even watched it. It’s 30 minutes long – just sound- you don’t have to sit and stare. Listen whilst you’re washing the dishes. Whatever your excuse is why you can’t spare 30 minutes or concentrate. This properly kicked my arse back into gear. Not only is it great because it sounds like the olden days, it’s full of incredible ideas. Like the opposite of courage is conformity not cowardice… instead of competing, we need to create. Play it often in the background. Stick with it.

He’s right we DO live in a golden era! We are so fortunate to live in a rich country. Why are we wasting our opportunities away? Wake up! Shake off your cobwebs, take control, take ownership of your life. It’s yours! Be a success to yourself! Try the 30 day challenge he suggests. You know, if there’s something you want bad enough.

Having a goal is so important. Plant your goal now. Create the reality that you want. Why? Look at the alternative. X

 

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