Tag Archives: mindfulness

Day #365 – The End. The beginning.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s the end of this chapter already. What a year…

Cosmic Order started as an experiment. I like playing with things. Life is supposed to be playful. I wanted to see if cosmic ordering actually worked. I wanted to see if anything really is possible  if we are brave enough. I saw so many people, including myself, stuck in the rat race, stuck doing things society said they should be doing, being something everyone else wanted them to be. I saw a lot of sad and frustrated people. I wanted to do this experiment for them as much as me. Hell, if I can do it, then we all can.

My cosmic order was that I wanted to be a singer. I wanted a record deal. I wanted the massive record deal specifically because I wanted to be earning heaps of money so I could pile it into the community. I wanted to help fix all the things our leaders and governments are ignoring. I’m so tired of seeing people sleep outside and then walking past a derelict house.

When I started I was not a singer. I was a full time mother to three young children. I’d been at home with them, doing nothing much for myself, for the best part of three years. I’d had some singing lessons and sang a handful of times on stage but mostly in secret. Nobody knew that I wanted to sing so badly or that the only thing I really ever dreamed of was working in music. It wasn’t a real job. It wasn’t realistic. It wasn’t achievable. There is a certain amount of stigma attached to non mainstream, creative careers. A sense of ‘That’s cute, but what are you really going to do? You need to get a real job’. So you can get the mortgage and picket fence and what not. I sang at home. All the time. The minute the house was empty, from the age of fifteen, I sang to the walls. I tried to want to do other things. I studied an array of different subjects and industries, both creative and academic. None of them stuck. None of them will ever stick. Because I want to sing and work in music. It is, was and always will be music. I feel better since being honest.

I had no idea how this was going to pan out. I was terrified that I’d shared my dreams. I was terrified that I was going to get laughed at. I was terrified that I was going to fail. Or look stupid. I had no confidence in myself or my abilities. I wasn’t good enough. I had not one clue how I was going to even start making music. I’d never recorded anything myself before. Computers aren’t my friends. I knew nothing. But I decided what I wanted and started walking. Whatever thought or feeling came into my head, I wrote about it and as I slowly worked through my own demons, opportunities started coming. I didn’t look for them. I didn’t think about them. They just came. I kept working on myself and working hard in the right direction and every time an opportunity came my way I said yes. I had no idea where anything would go, if anywhere, but I trusted something would come out of everything I pursued. I would learn something in every situation.

The amount that I took on this year has been insane but you know what? You’ll work hard for the things that matter to you. If you don’t, you don’t want it enough. I did a lot of personal development work as a result of the cosmic ordering research I was doing. The more I read, the more I learnt. Anything IS possible and there is beauty and love everywhere, sitting waiting to lavish us if only we would see it. We can all lead the lives we want to. We just need to fix ourselves and our thinking first. Life is fundamentally beautiful. Shit happens, but that fact remains. It’s not a rat race. It’s not a struggle. It’s not a battle.  We weren’t born for that. We weren’t born to live a life that somebody else thinks we should live. We weren’t born to be sad. It’s a wonderful life and it’s a gift. It’s yours.

So does cosmic ordering work? That was the question. That was the experiment. The answer is yes. Without a doubt. The law of attraction is as powerful as the law of gravity. It has worked in my life in both good ways and bad ways and I’ve observed them both. When I’ve been feeling awful and negative I attracted nothing but crap and blocks. When I felt happy and positive and open, when I believed in myself, opportunities came. All I did was say out loud, ‘I want to be a singer’ and focused on that. I didn’t sit back and wait for it to be delivered on a silver plate. Life doesn’t work like that. I got up off my arse and worked until I cried. I learnt how to use my computer (a little bit), I learnt how to record music at home, I got a job working at a music studio in return for studio time, I learnt how recording onto 8 track works. I learnt a lot about the music industry. How it works. How labels work. How actually getting a record deal isn’t the be all and end all. I’ve learnt about PR. I’ve learnt that you can do everything yourself. I started a band with one of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of. Last week our band Rope Store played the Norwich Arts Centre, voted the UKs best small music venue, supporting Speedometer, an incredible funk band. It was our 2nd gig. I am a singer. It works. Oh the record deal bit didn’t happen. Not yet. Maybe it won’t. Maybe it will. It doesn’t really matter. I know that I could make that bit happen if I worked hard at getting it and was clear about exactly what I want. I haven’t built shit loads of affordable housing either or solved the UKs unaffordable childcare problem. But you know, give it time. It’s time for a new order.

The most wonderful thing about this has been the unexpected opportunities and lessons life threw at me along the way. The blog reminded me how much I enjoy writing and for the last few months I’ve been writing for several online magazines, building my portfolio back up, so that I can do freelance writing alongside the music. The surprises weren’t all great. Six months in I became a single parent. Dealing with a major break up and turning solo definitely impacted my progress and had that not happened, who knows where or what I’d be doing. I almost drowned a few times. I’m not a great swimmer but my arm bands are incredible. I believe that everything happens for our greater good. I got shattered, bashed and bruised and I’ve never felt so open and broken and vulnerable in my life. I didn’t know a break up could create that much seemingly endless pain and suffering. I don’t believe it should actually. But I’ve also never felt so grateful or still. Maybe I needed that. Life is beautiful.

So that’s it! Cosmic Order is over! I’m taking off. I’ve got this bass that I have to get busy with, I’m turning this blog into a book (it’s much juicier), I’ve got some original solo material I want to work on, our band Rope Store are making little ripples and I need to go outside and shout thank you to the sky and laugh my head off with my little girls.

Thank you SO much to each and every one of you. You have no idea how grateful I am for your support. I have been absolutely over whelmed by the response I have received. Over 10,000 people from all over the world have taken the time to read my ramblings. Total strangers have emailed me with words of encouragement and it’s made me so happy that I’ve helped them in some way follow their own bliss too. Please do what makes you happy.

Mr Jason. I’ll be eternally grateful to you and EVERYTHING you have taught me and helped me with. Thank you for the ear upgrade, the corona addiction and keeping me going when shit got rough. Thank you for being such a wonderful and true friend.

I’ll be back in September with a new cosmic order and a new and improved soap box. It’s far from over. In the meantime you can follow me on twitter, instagram, Facebook.. Youtube. God social media, why are there so many of you?

Things end. Things also begin. X

Social media is all we have left! Come join the non stop party… 

http://www.facebook.com/ropestoremusic

http://www.ropestore.bandcamp.com

http://www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich or http://www.twitter.com/ropestoremusic

http://www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

http://www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

 

 

 

 

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Day #338 – Just like this.

912-2

There is not one single other human being on this planet that is like you. You’re an intricate, complicated, beautiful individual and you’re the best at it. You’re not just someones sister or brother. You’re not just a parent. Or a banker or a doctor or a teacher. Or any of the jobs. Those can be used as ways to describe the things you do or your position in a family or your own community. But that’s not YOU. We all have our own thing. We all come with our own sense of magic and strength. You’re not a patchwork of other peoples ideas and opinions. Think back to when you were a kid. Before you started to care what other people thought. Before people told you who you were. You were fantastic at being yourself. You didn’t cover up your differences. You will always be the best at being you. Why would you want to be something or someone else? Your beauty is infinite.

If we look around the natural world we observe and appreciate this very fact. We don’t look at a blade of grass and think why isn’t it a flower? Why can’t it be a tree? We accept it as it is. It’s perfect. It’s a blade of grass. It’s doing what it’s been made to do. Well, we’re exactly the same but sadly social conditioning has made us think otherwise. I am a huge fan of Alan Watts. He said this. I think we should take note.

‘Regard yourself as a cloud… in the flesh. Clouds never make mistakes. Did you ever see a cloud that was misshapen?  Did you ever see a badly designed wave? No! They always do the right thing. If you treat yourself for a while as a cloud, or wave, and realise that you can’t make a mistake whatever you do because even if you do something that seems to be totally disastrous is will all come out in the wash somehow or other. Then through this capacity you will develop a kind of confidence and through confidence you will be able to trust your own intuition.

It has nothing to do with your decision or not… You are like cloud and water.’ – Alan Watts

We need to develop an inner state of mind that is like the sky. The sky just is. It doesn’t congratulate itself for making a rainbow. It doesn’t ask for approval. It doesn’t ask the sun ‘Is this rainbow ok? Can I do better? Should I have used different colours?’ It doesn’t apologise when it’s raining. It knows that above the rainbows and the storms the sun is still shining. It’s just the sky. It’s the best at being the sky. You’re the best at being you and you can’t make a ‘mistake’.

We live in a state of mind and a society of approval addiction. We have a desire to be liked. We want to be recognised. We want what we are doing to be noticed. We want other people to like what we’re doing because we have this intrinsic need to be accepted. We look outside of ourselves for someone else to tell us that we’re doing the right thing, that what we are doing is good and worthwhile. This can be really debilitating. No, it is debilitating. There’s no ‘can be’ about it. We have been programmed as adults to search for other peoples approval and then mistake it for our own. If you can accept yourself totally as an individual then there is no need for outside approval. Just approve of yourself. If you spent as much time working on that as you do chasing other people’s approval, the shift you feel inside of yourself would astound you.

We are all born absolutely complete with one note to sing.  You just have to discover it and put it into practice. It doesn’t matter what other people think  as long as you are living your own joy and bliss. Is it making you happy? Does it feel right in your being? Surely that’s all that matters? If what you have created is a perfect reflection of your talents and ideas and how you perceive the world around you, what does it matter to anybody outside of you? People who resonate with you will get it. People who resonate differently won’t get it at all. It doesn’t matter. Don’t stop to think about what other people think about you. It’s a learnt behaviour and it can absolutely be unlearnt.

Shine. Don’t be like anybody else. Infact, be unlike everyone else.

Be as good at being you as you can. X

If you love social media and crunchy music you’ll love these…

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Day #220 – My pocket of dreams.

17360-Dream-Jar

A few weeks ago I got my first hater. I have a hater! She made me sad. Now I love her and it makes me smile. One in 7,000 isn’t too bad an odd really. At the time I didn’t though. At the time I got this email telling me what a douche I was and I felt like being sick. Nobody likes the idea of another person thinking bad of them, especially when your intentions are good. It did make me stop and think though. Perhaps I do need to be clearer in what my intentions are. What my motivation is. I always assume that people have been reading this from Day #1. If you’ve just joined us – welcome!

I do have three beautiful daughters.They like to eat cheerios for breakfast. I’ve never talked about them on here, well because, it’s not relevant is it? This isn’t a parenting blog and I don’t want to pigeonhole myself by only directing my intentions towards one group of people. I want as many people to relate as possible. They are the three most intense and important human beings I’ve ever come across. They are an absolute full time job. From the minute I have my eyes rudely opened each morning until I go to bed I am doing that. There is no escaping it and to assume that ‘this’, my blog, my singing could even possibly take precedence over them is just crazy. Even if i wanted that to be the truth – it’s an impossibility. If you have small people yourself, you’ll know it. I wonder if I’d be so critically judged if I was doing more hours outside of the home in a ‘real’ job? If I worked in a supermarket and put them in full time child care? If I was being more socially acceptable.

I am the most private person who ordinarily despises using social media. I’m not interested in it at all. Instagram is nice. I like pictures. But otherwise, I’ve never really been into show casing my private life. It’s private and more fun to live it than report it. Unfortunately, it’s the world we live in now. It’s a marketing tool that is too important to reject. Whilst I might not like it, I don’t think I’m above it and I’m smart enough to know that its power is great. It’s got nothing to do with me loving myself. Or wanting people to look at me. I’d rather they didn’t. If I could do this faceless and from a dark room somewhere then I’d much prefer it. I’d probably be doing a lot more, a lot faster. The lack of confidence is holding me back somewhat. It takes all of my energy and determination to put my face on things. But it’s part of the parcel.

It has taken me the best part of 30 years to get to a point where I felt brave enough to face my fears and say out loud ‘I want to be a singer’. The whole point of the blog was and is to inspire other people. Other people who are in a similar situation to me who think they missed their dream boat. I wanted to be a working example that it’s not too late. Ever. There are always options and routes. I wanted to lay myself completely bare and be brutally honest. Yes that puts me in the firing line. There would be no point doing this if I sugar coated it. What help to other people would that be? Hey guys look how easy and great this is! No. This is life. This is how it’s going down. Yours is too. I’m just admitting it. We all feel the same. Have the same fears and issues. My thinking was that if I talk about it, people can see that, yes, dream chasing is scary and hard. But it’s also possible and fun. Look, she’s been knocked down again and gets up. I can do that too. That was my motivation. It still is. That’s why I write about the issues and personal development stuff. I’m relaying what is helping me move forward and grow, in the hope it helps someone else too. Why? Because I want as many people to be as happy as possible, living their bliss. I’m tired of seeing people dragging their sorry feet behind them. That is all.

Over the last 6 months, everything that I have worked on has been ON TOP of everything else. I write and work in the evenings when and if my children sleep. I am currently running on 4 hours sleep a night. I crammed working for studio time in around everybody else. I’ve always made myself be last in line. I write stuff on my phone as I’m walking to the park with my toddler. I practice whilst I’m doing the laundry or scrubbing crayon off the wall. Concentrate on my children? My dear, I do nothing but. They are smothered in love and skittles. If they were suffering, I would stop.

My goals and targets are still the same. Here is my original post on the topic in case you missed it http://wp.me/pRHlH-2T I want to record music. I want to be better. I want to be great. I want to make money doing that. I want to make decent money doing it so that I can share it around. I want to help other people. I want to support and work with organisations both small and big that are helping the wider community. I want to inspire my children how to live life. The only thing that has changed is that I am more realistic now than I was at the beginning. I have a lot of work to do and that’s the only way to go forward. Practice and hard work.

Life is fun. Play with it. Don’t waste your time. We don’t get that long. X

Come check out these bad boys …

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Day #196 – Where the magic happens.

wherethemagichappens

I get that some people find change really scary. For some reason, it’s never scared me. I’m terrified to the point of having a panic attack about a few things. But change? Nah. It’s my favourite thing to do. If you can change it, you should. At any given opportunity.

As I’ve grown up I’ve observed the people around me. People thought I was just quiet. I was watching. And learning. And listening. I learnt that most adults are full of regret. I learnt that most adults were living a life they didn’t want to lead. I learnt that most adults couldn’t cope with that. I also learnt by watching people go to hell and back, that humans are a lot stronger than we think. I saw that no matter how bad things get, things always get better eventually. What my own mother may regret her children seeing and going through, I see as a blessing. I learnt how to love and how to live. Even if it was indirectly.

That has formed the way my brain works now. I’m not so scared of risks that I avoid them. With all my heart I don’t want to be one of the people I saw as a child, complaining about how their life turned out. Where it went wrong. What they’d do if they could do it all again. Why wait to do it all again? Why not do it now? Why fit in with what everybody around you expects? Is it their life that’s going to end up unfulfilled? The only person who’ll lose out is you.

Life is an experience. You have to jump in and bathe in all it’s glory.

Routine is great but it also limits your creativity. You become so used to doing the same thing every single day, going to the same place, talking to the same people, getting up at the same time, that your mind goes to sleep. You don’t need to think anymore or concentrate on what you’re doing. Creativity of any kind cannot flourish in that environment. You need to keep moving your mind. Changing it. Challenging it.

It takes a lot of courage to accept the fact that sometimes you are going to feel pain. But by avoiding your fears and the resulting discomfort it creates, you will bumble along in a mediocre life that doesn’t challenge you or grow you in any way shape or form. If you’re happy with that, then that’s amazing! You’ve made it! But if you’re not, you’re going to have to look at scarey stuff. Nobody is forcing you to.

Your life is in your hands. Nobody elses. X

Maybe I’ll start selling ball bags. It can be my first piece of merchandise. Until the ball bags are released though, you can come find me on my other social media networks… I’m getting a small collection of music together.

New song coming on Saturday! You’d better subscribe to my YouTube channel to be the first to hear it!

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Day #162 – Negative thoughts are a bugger.

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We each have an inner voice. It can be constructive and support us. Or it can be destructive and make us feel terrible. When we are feeling motivated and upbeat, our inner voice is usually on our side. Telling us that we can do anything. We feel great about ourselves and everything that we are doing.

But what happens when our inner voice turns sour? You’re on your journey. You’ve been working like a crazy person. You’ve been so positive. Out of nowhere, or somewhere, you’ve suddenly had it. You no longer believe in yourself. You must just be really awful at everything you do. Why would anybody ever believe in you? You cant do it. What a disappointment you are.

Our inner work is never done. If you neglect it, a crash of some description is inevitable. I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish about myself. This is not a feeling you want when you are exploring the law of attraction. By thinking negative things about myself over and over, I’m creating more of it. I feel worthless, undeserving, talentless. My inner voice is saying very unkind things and I’m just sitting back and letting it. I don’t know why. I guess I still believe it on some level.

I got my recording equipment and I was so excited about it. I tried to record something and I couldn’t. I failed. The song I picked had weird timing and backing vocals and I couldn’t get my head around it. When I did, I played the recording back to myself and just thought it sounded awful. I didn’t/don’t know how to adjust the levels. I started reading about EQ and compressing… I felt overwhelmed. I still do. All I want to do is sing. And I want to do it really well. My only redeeming thought was that I was going to the studio. I’d have something recorded to upload. I’m overly conscious that I need to upload way more music. More regularly and now. I need to do that now. Nothing is going to happen for me musically without music! We recorded something and I didn’t like the way I sang. All of these things are now supporting my negative inner voice. You’re useless. Give up. Stop wasting your time you idiot.

This is what happens though! It’s the universe challenging us. Helping us develop and grow even more. You thought you’d worked through that block? You haven’t! I haven’t! I still don’t think I’m worth it. Go back and do more work. Love yourself love yourself love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you are more likely to believe the negative thoughts and beliefs your inner voice creates. No other living thing on this planet ‘feels bad’ about itself. Let’s not either. Let’s be leaves. Or walruses.

We need to learn and master how to control our inner voice. That voice is just our thoughts and we create them. We decide whether to believe them. We can therefore decide to ignore the detrimental ones and create new positive ones. Look at where the thought is coming from. Look at what will happen if you believe it. Is it for your greater good? Do you like where this thought leads you? If the answer is no, then we must choose not to give it any attention. When the thought you are trying to rid yourself of comes into your mind, replace it. Think something positive. If you’re busy listing what you perceive to be your bad qualities, start listing your great ones! If you cant manage it just tell your negative limiting beliefs “I let you go – I approve of myself.’ Let them all go. Visualise them floating away.

You are as worthy and incredible as the stars in the sky. You are unique. And irreplaceable. That’s a true fact for all of us.

It’s funny isn’t it? We spend a lot of our lives looking for love. For the one. For somebody who will love us unconditionally. Yet most of us don’t think to look inside and love ourselves unconditionally first.

I love writing this blog. It helps me work through so many things. I already feel better and brighter. I research and discover such great personal development theories. Sharing it makes me happy because I know so many other people who struggle with the same obstacles and issues over and over again. If me being honest even helps one of them that’s enough.

Right! Let’s go approve of ourselves and remember we’re worth everything. X

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Day #121 – Be more dog.

Happy dog.

Happy dog.

Today I was really organised. I set aside time to write. Tommy’s taken the kids out to the park. I’m home alone with the cat, bathing in the sunshine through the window. Just ate a spoon of hummus. Not a bad day. Even got some flowers on the table. Feeling super focused and determined. Come on Autumn. Let’s have you.

Flicking through some books for inspiration I found a passage that was just perfect. I could re word it, add to it, fluff it up a bit. But I just don’t think it’s necessary.

Quite simply. Be more dog.

‘If a dog were your teacher

These are some of the lessons you might learn…

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy

 

When it’s in your best interest

practice obedience

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory

Take naps and stretch before rising

Run, romp and play daily

 

Thrive on attention and let people touch you

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do

On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass

On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree

When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body

 

No matter how often you’re scolded

don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout

run right back and make friends

 

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm

Stop when you have had enough

Be loyal

Never pretend to be something you’re not…

 

If what you want lies buried

dig until you find it

When someone is having a bad day

be silent …

… sit close by.

…. and nuzzle them gently.’

– Author unknown

 

What a beautiful way that would be to live. X

Thank you for all the support and messages of encouragement. I really appreciate it! Please like, follow and share as always xxx

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Day #99 – You created this mess.

It’s still about responsibility.

In my last post I talked about this on a global level. Well let’s look at our lack of responsibility on a personal level… It’ll probably get ugly.

How many times in the day do you think ‘Why is this so hard?’ or ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ or ‘Life is so much easier for that person..’ It’s pretty common when you’re having a bad day. You feel sorry for yourself, feel hopeless. You convince yourself that your circumstances are different or special in some sense. Run off a bunch of ‘reasons’ why you haven’t/couldn’t/can’t. There are things you need to be able to complete your dream. There are people who need to help you, who keep letting you down. Unexpected situations arise that hinder your progress. The list is endless. But it’s never ultimately your fault.

What if I said that all of the above reasons can’t actually hinder you? You decide what you create out of any given situation. It is always your own fault. You can always decide what you create. That’s the difference between failure and success.

When my step father died, I spent a lot of time, years, using that as the reason I was stuck in my hometown. I was mortified. If he hadn’t died then I would be free to be wherever I wanted. As a result of his death, I ‘had’ to stay at home. My mother needed me. That was the reason I wasn’t ‘succeeding’. At the same time I was having a baby. The mess I was surrounded by was too much. I couldn’t do anything now because I’d had a baby. I blamed my circumstances, things I thought I didn’t have control of. It’s a lot easier to do that.

I like my new way of thinking better. Whilst my circumstances weren’t great for a while, I made what I did out of it. I decided to stay here. I decided to be close to my mother. I decided to have a baby. I decided to put my mother and child first. I chose that and I own it. Nobody forced me. I am entirely responsible. I created it.

I have been going stir crazy. Pulling my hair out. My time management has been all over the place. It’s been driving me mad. I have lots of stuff I need to do and get on with to keep my project moving forwards and the momentum going with it. I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve had no time. I couldn’t even make time. My personal life has been mega busy organising and doing things for other people, then I decided I must organise a protest and have been immersing myself in political news and history trying to come up with legitimate answers for why innocent children are dying. Meanwhile, my music was sailing off down the river. I didn’t feel like I had any control over it. There aren’t enough hours in a day. It’s not my fault. It’s everybody else’s etc etc etc.

Then I remembered. I created this mess.

It’s entirely my fault. Through the decisions, both big and small, important and unimportant, but through my decisions nonetheless, I have created my situation. I decided to. I wanted to. Make a list of everything that you consider is holding you back. Or things that have happened to you which you consider major factors in your life that have altered your path. Now look at that list and see what your involvement is in that. Example – the job you hate but you still do because you need the money. That’s your decision. Being trapped in the job is an illusion. There are other jobs. There are always options. If there’s no option, make a plan so you get to a place where you have an option. It’s not the job hindering you, it’s yourself. You’re the boss.

If we can see how easy it is to create everything we don’t want in our lives, surely we can create everything that we DO want? We can tailor make everything exactly how we want it. It gives me some hope at least.

There is no secret. No magic key. No special formula. You don’t need to know anybody special or be rich or have special tools. You just need to be willing to take responsibility for everything in your life right now and work out how to change the things that aren’t working for the better.

Break it down and create it. X

 

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Day #61 – Actions create REactions.

Richard-Anderson-Mixed-Messages

Sounds simple enough right?

Everything you do. Everything you say. Everything you think is an action. We are constantly engaging in actions both consciously and unconsciously, big and small. Everything that we do, has an outcome. A reaction. The ripple that we create, spreads and causes other things to happen. It is a natural law.

You might think nothing of making a cup of tea for someone. But that small action might make the person feel cared for or especially thought of when they had been having a rough day. It might mean a lot to them at that time. Likewise you might make a passing comment to a friend. Perhaps those words were taken to heart, taken the wrong way. Perhaps they caused the other person to feel really bad about themselves. We never know what is going on behind the scenes in other peoples minds. We mustn’t take that for granted. Our words are powerful and we should choose them carefully. I know I need to work on this. Our actions, our words, create reactions, situations. We create it all. We create it. That’s an incredible piece of knowledge.

Pay attention to your words. Pay attention to your actions.

How does this relate to dream chasing? Well, if we become aware that every action we take creates a reaction, we can use this to our advantage. We can become aware of ourselves. Why have things stopped moving? Why aren’t things happening or going as we had planned? Lets take a look at our actions. What have you DONE recently in pursuit of your dreams? Anything? Nothing? Something small? Something big? How does this compare to your reactions, your results?  What have you done to create the situation you are currently in? We will only get out what we put in. We need to become aware of what we are putting in. Not putting anything in? Then why on earth would you be getting anything out!?

This goes for all aspects of our lives. Transfers to relationships of all kinds really well. Got a crappy one? What effort have you put in?

I have been busy. This whole thing started so well. People and opportunities were throwing themselves at me. I was so excited. Wow, I thought. I must really be on the right path. Finally, I’ve got this. It’s in the bag. But it’s not in the bag at all. Sure I’ve gone for a few auditions that went well and ended nowhere. I’ve recorded a couple of tracks. One I wasn’t happy to share. One is still in progress. I’ve sang every single day. That makes me happy. I’ve never been this dedicated. But I’ve kind of stalled. My actions have stopped. I was ill for a couple of weeks. That didn’t help. Where as before I was actively seeking, I can’t say that the last week I have at all. I have a little. I’m trying to sort out some studio time. I have sorted out some studio time. I just need to do it. Finish sorting it out… I’ve stalled. I stopped believing in myself for a bit. Therefore my reactions have also stalled.  It’s not because suddenly the universe has decided to stop supporting me, or that this is the wrong thing to be doing. I’ve stopped doing.

You stop. Opportunities stop. It’s that simple.

Better get back on it. My apartment in New York isn’t going to pay for itself. X

 

 

 

 

Day #36 – The key.

It is near on impossible to stay and be positive all day every day. Well it is for me anyway. I need help. Maybe if I went and spent some delicious time in a peace camp with monks for a few months, I would feel like a dream. Alas, I am here. Very far from camp peace.

Sometimes you just feel like giving up. Like what is the point in all of this? What am I even bothering with all of this for? We’re all tired. We’re behind with everything because I’ve been using a lot of my energy on new things. I’m not sure my house has EVER been this dirty. It’s driving me mad. Don’t believe me? Ask the neighbours. Who incidentally are selling their house. Hope it’s got nothing to do with me being a screaming banshee.

I still want everything I always wanted. I’m just feeling a little mediocre. I’m starting to question why I’m doing this. I’m probably just tired. I am pretty exhausted. I want to lie down and wait for the record label to knock on the door whilst I’m having a nap. I’m not going to do that. I can’t. But it’s really what my body wants to do. Come on Polydor, let’s meet in a lucid dream. I guess we all have our little demons inside that hold us back. If I strip back my thoughts, ‘Im tired, I can’t be bothered’ actually translates to ‘You’re not good enough, so why are you wasting your time’. Bad inner voice. I am good enough. We all are. It’s helpful to stop and think for a while though, what is it that’s holding you back? What is it that stops you before you’ve reached your goal? Are your old thought patterns holding you back? Is it low self esteem? That what you’re striving for has changed and you haven’t realised yet? Are we just lazy? Maybe we don’t want it enough. No? Prove it. Succeed.

Then I watched this. If you’re reading this in your email you might have to jump on wordpress to access the link. My brother emailed it to me. Then I saw this man’s name everywhere, before I even watched it. It’s 30 minutes long – just sound- you don’t have to sit and stare. Listen whilst you’re washing the dishes. Whatever your excuse is why you can’t spare 30 minutes or concentrate. This properly kicked my arse back into gear. Not only is it great because it sounds like the olden days, it’s full of incredible ideas. Like the opposite of courage is conformity not cowardice… instead of competing, we need to create. Play it often in the background. Stick with it.

He’s right we DO live in a golden era! We are so fortunate to live in a rich country. Why are we wasting our opportunities away? Wake up! Shake off your cobwebs, take control, take ownership of your life. It’s yours! Be a success to yourself! Try the 30 day challenge he suggests. You know, if there’s something you want bad enough.

Having a goal is so important. Plant your goal now. Create the reality that you want. Why? Look at the alternative. X

 

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