Tag Archives: parenting

Day #365 – The End. The beginning.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s the end of this chapter already. What a year…

Cosmic Order started as an experiment. I like playing with things. Life is supposed to be playful. I wanted to see if cosmic ordering actually worked. I wanted to see if anything really is possible  if we are brave enough. I saw so many people, including myself, stuck in the rat race, stuck doing things society said they should be doing, being something everyone else wanted them to be. I saw a lot of sad and frustrated people. I wanted to do this experiment for them as much as me. Hell, if I can do it, then we all can.

My cosmic order was that I wanted to be a singer. I wanted a record deal. I wanted the massive record deal specifically because I wanted to be earning heaps of money so I could pile it into the community. I wanted to help fix all the things our leaders and governments are ignoring. I’m so tired of seeing people sleep outside and then walking past a derelict house.

When I started I was not a singer. I was a full time mother to three young children. I’d been at home with them, doing nothing much for myself, for the best part of three years. I’d had some singing lessons and sang a handful of times on stage but mostly in secret. Nobody knew that I wanted to sing so badly or that the only thing I really ever dreamed of was working in music. It wasn’t a real job. It wasn’t realistic. It wasn’t achievable. There is a certain amount of stigma attached to non mainstream, creative careers. A sense of ‘That’s cute, but what are you really going to do? You need to get a real job’. So you can get the mortgage and picket fence and what not. I sang at home. All the time. The minute the house was empty, from the age of fifteen, I sang to the walls. I tried to want to do other things. I studied an array of different subjects and industries, both creative and academic. None of them stuck. None of them will ever stick. Because I want to sing and work in music. It is, was and always will be music. I feel better since being honest.

I had no idea how this was going to pan out. I was terrified that I’d shared my dreams. I was terrified that I was going to get laughed at. I was terrified that I was going to fail. Or look stupid. I had no confidence in myself or my abilities. I wasn’t good enough. I had not one clue how I was going to even start making music. I’d never recorded anything myself before. Computers aren’t my friends. I knew nothing. But I decided what I wanted and started walking. Whatever thought or feeling came into my head, I wrote about it and as I slowly worked through my own demons, opportunities started coming. I didn’t look for them. I didn’t think about them. They just came. I kept working on myself and working hard in the right direction and every time an opportunity came my way I said yes. I had no idea where anything would go, if anywhere, but I trusted something would come out of everything I pursued. I would learn something in every situation.

The amount that I took on this year has been insane but you know what? You’ll work hard for the things that matter to you. If you don’t, you don’t want it enough. I did a lot of personal development work as a result of the cosmic ordering research I was doing. The more I read, the more I learnt. Anything IS possible and there is beauty and love everywhere, sitting waiting to lavish us if only we would see it. We can all lead the lives we want to. We just need to fix ourselves and our thinking first. Life is fundamentally beautiful. Shit happens, but that fact remains. It’s not a rat race. It’s not a struggle. It’s not a battle.  We weren’t born for that. We weren’t born to live a life that somebody else thinks we should live. We weren’t born to be sad. It’s a wonderful life and it’s a gift. It’s yours.

So does cosmic ordering work? That was the question. That was the experiment. The answer is yes. Without a doubt. The law of attraction is as powerful as the law of gravity. It has worked in my life in both good ways and bad ways and I’ve observed them both. When I’ve been feeling awful and negative I attracted nothing but crap and blocks. When I felt happy and positive and open, when I believed in myself, opportunities came. All I did was say out loud, ‘I want to be a singer’ and focused on that. I didn’t sit back and wait for it to be delivered on a silver plate. Life doesn’t work like that. I got up off my arse and worked until I cried. I learnt how to use my computer (a little bit), I learnt how to record music at home, I got a job working at a music studio in return for studio time, I learnt how recording onto 8 track works. I learnt a lot about the music industry. How it works. How labels work. How actually getting a record deal isn’t the be all and end all. I’ve learnt about PR. I’ve learnt that you can do everything yourself. I started a band with one of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of. Last week our band Rope Store played the Norwich Arts Centre, voted the UKs best small music venue, supporting Speedometer, an incredible funk band. It was our 2nd gig. I am a singer. It works. Oh the record deal bit didn’t happen. Not yet. Maybe it won’t. Maybe it will. It doesn’t really matter. I know that I could make that bit happen if I worked hard at getting it and was clear about exactly what I want. I haven’t built shit loads of affordable housing either or solved the UKs unaffordable childcare problem. But you know, give it time. It’s time for a new order.

The most wonderful thing about this has been the unexpected opportunities and lessons life threw at me along the way. The blog reminded me how much I enjoy writing and for the last few months I’ve been writing for several online magazines, building my portfolio back up, so that I can do freelance writing alongside the music. The surprises weren’t all great. Six months in I became a single parent. Dealing with a major break up and turning solo definitely impacted my progress and had that not happened, who knows where or what I’d be doing. I almost drowned a few times. I’m not a great swimmer but my arm bands are incredible. I believe that everything happens for our greater good. I got shattered, bashed and bruised and I’ve never felt so open and broken and vulnerable in my life. I didn’t know a break up could create that much seemingly endless pain and suffering. I don’t believe it should actually. But I’ve also never felt so grateful or still. Maybe I needed that. Life is beautiful.

So that’s it! Cosmic Order is over! I’m taking off. I’ve got this bass that I have to get busy with, I’m turning this blog into a book (it’s much juicier), I’ve got some original solo material I want to work on, our band Rope Store are making little ripples and I need to go outside and shout thank you to the sky and laugh my head off with my little girls.

Thank you SO much to each and every one of you. You have no idea how grateful I am for your support. I have been absolutely over whelmed by the response I have received. Over 10,000 people from all over the world have taken the time to read my ramblings. Total strangers have emailed me with words of encouragement and it’s made me so happy that I’ve helped them in some way follow their own bliss too. Please do what makes you happy.

Mr Jason. I’ll be eternally grateful to you and EVERYTHING you have taught me and helped me with. Thank you for the ear upgrade, the corona addiction and keeping me going when shit got rough. Thank you for being such a wonderful and true friend.

I’ll be back in September with a new cosmic order and a new and improved soap box. It’s far from over. In the meantime you can follow me on twitter, instagram, Facebook.. Youtube. God social media, why are there so many of you?

Things end. Things also begin. X

Social media is all we have left! Come join the non stop party… 



http://www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich or http://www.twitter.com/ropestoremusic








Day #247 – Balance


Don’t you just love the first week of January?! Everybody gets so excited at the end of December. Here it comes! Everything is going to change as the clock strikes midnight on the 31st. Life is going to suddenly be awesome! All the things that were giving you grief will magically disappear and you’ll be enlightened. Well here she is, in all her anti climaxing glory.

Happy New Year! Sorry should I have sugar coated her a bit more? Perhaps I can get you a donut.

You see, New Year actually means jack crap. Nothing is going to change of its own accord. You have to change it. You have to decide. You have to decide to stop your negative behaviour. You have to decide to stop letting other people affect you. You have to decide what you want and then put it into action. Yourself. At any given moment.

I feel grateful every single day that I have so many awesome things going on in my life right now and the opportunity to explore the things that I love to do. I’m so lucky. I’m singing a lot. I’m recording a lot. I’m learning how to use recording equipment. I’m co hosting an awesome radio show. I’m writing. I’m researching. I’m finally in a band! I’m doing some PR work on the side of that. I have a bunch of incredible friends who have been like rocks to me of late and three hilarious little girls that are bursting with love and potential.

On the other side of that though I feel like I’m in actual hell. I’m utterly and completely overwhelmed by how much I am doing and have to do. I’m trying to figure out how and when I’m putting carrots on the table. I’m looking after three incredible but demanding children. I’m sitting on this heavy broken heart. I just lost my best friend. But if I don’t do the awesome stuff above, then I’ll slip into this awful hole of a place. I know it well. I can’t stop. It’s not an option at all. So what to do Rose?

Im not one for New Year’s resolutions. I don’t really understand why you should wait until the turn of the calendar year to make changes to your life for a week. But I do understand making changes. And finding solutions to situations that aren’t serving you.

I feel like I need to find some balance. I need to schedule in sleep. I need to sleep. She says, sipping coffee and updating her blog with her eyeballs resting on the keyboard. And I need to nurture myself in a way that isn’t doing work. My free time is half that of a regular person (and also probably a lot more than other regular persons) so I’m always hell bent on cramming everything and anything in. There’s always something I want to learn or do. I can’t sit still. I need to learn how but the thought makes me screw my face up. I need to learn to balance my two entirely polar opposite lives. One minute I’m home giving everything I have to my children and the next I’m standing by myself, working like a crazy person making music and writing. Quite often with a beer in my hand.

Then I read this.

‘Live life in all possible ways; don’t choose one thing against the other, and don’t try to be in the middle. Don’t try to balance yourself – balance is not something that can be cultivated. Balance is something that comes out of experiencing all the dimensions of life. Balance is something that happens; it is not something that can be brought about through your efforts. If you bring it through your efforts it will be false, forced. And you will remain tense, you will not be relaxed, because how can a person who is trying to remain balanced in the middle be relaxed? You will always be afraid that if you relax you may start moving to the left or to the right. You are bound to remain uptight, and to be uptight is to miss the whole opportunity, the whole gift of life.

Don’t be uptight. Don’t live life according to principles. Live life in its totality, drink life in its totality! Yes, sometimes it tastes bitter – so what? That taste of bitterness will make you capable of tasting its sweetness. You will be able to appreciate the sweetness only if you have tasted its bitterness. One who knows not how to cry will not know how to laugh, either. One who cannot enjoy a deep laughter, a belly laugh, that person’s tears will be crocodile tears. They cannot be true, they cannot be authentic.

I don’t teach the middle way, I teach the total way. Then a balance comes of its own accord, and then that balance has tremendous beauty and grace. You have not forced it, it has simply come. By moving gracefully to the left, to the right, in the middle, slowly a balance comes to you because you remain so unidentified. When sadness comes, you know it will pass, and when happiness comes you know that will pass, too. Nothing remains; everything passes by. The only thing that always abides is your witnessing. That witnessing brings balance. That witnessing is balance.’  – The Book Of Understanding, Osho

In life, all opposites are joined together. They exist together. The art is finding the middle. The perfect balance. It’ll come when it’s good and ready.

Life is a crazy thing. Live it totally and true to yourself. The rest will follow.

When I find the next bit of mind blowing inspiration that will see us all out of this blue, full mooning, first week of January, I’ll let you know.

Until then I say hide.

That is all.


Want music? Head here..

http://www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich or here http://www.ropestore.bandcamp.com

Want pictures? Head here..


Want uncertainty and nothing in particular? Here’s the place for you..



Day #220 – My pocket of dreams.


A few weeks ago I got my first hater. I have a hater! She made me sad. Now I love her and it makes me smile. One in 7,000 isn’t too bad an odd really. At the time I didn’t though. At the time I got this email telling me what a douche I was and I felt like being sick. Nobody likes the idea of another person thinking bad of them, especially when your intentions are good. It did make me stop and think though. Perhaps I do need to be clearer in what my intentions are. What my motivation is. I always assume that people have been reading this from Day #1. If you’ve just joined us – welcome!

I do have three beautiful daughters.They like to eat cheerios for breakfast. I’ve never talked about them on here, well because, it’s not relevant is it? This isn’t a parenting blog and I don’t want to pigeonhole myself by only directing my intentions towards one group of people. I want as many people to relate as possible. They are the three most intense and important human beings I’ve ever come across. They are an absolute full time job. From the minute I have my eyes rudely opened each morning until I go to bed I am doing that. There is no escaping it and to assume that ‘this’, my blog, my singing could even possibly take precedence over them is just crazy. Even if i wanted that to be the truth – it’s an impossibility. If you have small people yourself, you’ll know it. I wonder if I’d be so critically judged if I was doing more hours outside of the home in a ‘real’ job? If I worked in a supermarket and put them in full time child care? If I was being more socially acceptable.

I am the most private person who ordinarily despises using social media. I’m not interested in it at all. Instagram is nice. I like pictures. But otherwise, I’ve never really been into show casing my private life. It’s private and more fun to live it than report it. Unfortunately, it’s the world we live in now. It’s a marketing tool that is too important to reject. Whilst I might not like it, I don’t think I’m above it and I’m smart enough to know that its power is great. It’s got nothing to do with me loving myself. Or wanting people to look at me. I’d rather they didn’t. If I could do this faceless and from a dark room somewhere then I’d much prefer it. I’d probably be doing a lot more, a lot faster. The lack of confidence is holding me back somewhat. It takes all of my energy and determination to put my face on things. But it’s part of the parcel.

It has taken me the best part of 30 years to get to a point where I felt brave enough to face my fears and say out loud ‘I want to be a singer’. The whole point of the blog was and is to inspire other people. Other people who are in a similar situation to me who think they missed their dream boat. I wanted to be a working example that it’s not too late. Ever. There are always options and routes. I wanted to lay myself completely bare and be brutally honest. Yes that puts me in the firing line. There would be no point doing this if I sugar coated it. What help to other people would that be? Hey guys look how easy and great this is! No. This is life. This is how it’s going down. Yours is too. I’m just admitting it. We all feel the same. Have the same fears and issues. My thinking was that if I talk about it, people can see that, yes, dream chasing is scary and hard. But it’s also possible and fun. Look, she’s been knocked down again and gets up. I can do that too. That was my motivation. It still is. That’s why I write about the issues and personal development stuff. I’m relaying what is helping me move forward and grow, in the hope it helps someone else too. Why? Because I want as many people to be as happy as possible, living their bliss. I’m tired of seeing people dragging their sorry feet behind them. That is all.

Over the last 6 months, everything that I have worked on has been ON TOP of everything else. I write and work in the evenings when and if my children sleep. I am currently running on 4 hours sleep a night. I crammed working for studio time in around everybody else. I’ve always made myself be last in line. I write stuff on my phone as I’m walking to the park with my toddler. I practice whilst I’m doing the laundry or scrubbing crayon off the wall. Concentrate on my children? My dear, I do nothing but. They are smothered in love and skittles. If they were suffering, I would stop.

My goals and targets are still the same. Here is my original post on the topic in case you missed it http://wp.me/pRHlH-2T I want to record music. I want to be better. I want to be great. I want to make money doing that. I want to make decent money doing it so that I can share it around. I want to help other people. I want to support and work with organisations both small and big that are helping the wider community. I want to inspire my children how to live life. The only thing that has changed is that I am more realistic now than I was at the beginning. I have a lot of work to do and that’s the only way to go forward. Practice and hard work.

Life is fun. Play with it. Don’t waste your time. We don’t get that long. X

Come check out these bad boys …

Youtube – http://www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

Instagram – http://www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich




Day #196 – Where the magic happens.


I get that some people find change really scary. For some reason, it’s never scared me. I’m terrified to the point of having a panic attack about a few things. But change? Nah. It’s my favourite thing to do. If you can change it, you should. At any given opportunity.

As I’ve grown up I’ve observed the people around me. People thought I was just quiet. I was watching. And learning. And listening. I learnt that most adults are full of regret. I learnt that most adults were living a life they didn’t want to lead. I learnt that most adults couldn’t cope with that. I also learnt by watching people go to hell and back, that humans are a lot stronger than we think. I saw that no matter how bad things get, things always get better eventually. What my own mother may regret her children seeing and going through, I see as a blessing. I learnt how to love and how to live. Even if it was indirectly.

That has formed the way my brain works now. I’m not so scared of risks that I avoid them. With all my heart I don’t want to be one of the people I saw as a child, complaining about how their life turned out. Where it went wrong. What they’d do if they could do it all again. Why wait to do it all again? Why not do it now? Why fit in with what everybody around you expects? Is it their life that’s going to end up unfulfilled? The only person who’ll lose out is you.

Life is an experience. You have to jump in and bathe in all it’s glory.

Routine is great but it also limits your creativity. You become so used to doing the same thing every single day, going to the same place, talking to the same people, getting up at the same time, that your mind goes to sleep. You don’t need to think anymore or concentrate on what you’re doing. Creativity of any kind cannot flourish in that environment. You need to keep moving your mind. Changing it. Challenging it.

It takes a lot of courage to accept the fact that sometimes you are going to feel pain. But by avoiding your fears and the resulting discomfort it creates, you will bumble along in a mediocre life that doesn’t challenge you or grow you in any way shape or form. If you’re happy with that, then that’s amazing! You’ve made it! But if you’re not, you’re going to have to look at scarey stuff. Nobody is forcing you to.

Your life is in your hands. Nobody elses. X

Maybe I’ll start selling ball bags. It can be my first piece of merchandise. Until the ball bags are released though, you can come find me on my other social media networks… I’m getting a small collection of music together.

New song coming on Saturday! You’d better subscribe to my YouTube channel to be the first to hear it!

Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich

Instagram – http://www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

Youtube – http://www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

Day #183 – Trust your instincts.


Today’s post is pretty monumental.

Everything is changing. Everything has changed.

I feel in my heart that I’m halfway through my journey now. I couldn’t explain why entirely but I feel very connected to everything around me and what I’m doing. I just divided 365 by 2 and I was right. I’m out by half a day. It would appear I’m quite in tune with myself.

We are all born with strong, natural instincts. It’s why babies are so sensitive to their environments. They detect stress in a room without anyone even saying anything. We are born perfect. Then we start being interfered with. Numbed. We are taught to stop trusting ourselves. We lose touch with this inherent natural talent we all possess and spend the rest of our lives questioning everything that we do. That’s crazy isn’t it? How we would laugh if we saw a lion questioning his natural instincts to kill a deer. Or birds when they migrate. They trust what their body is telling them to do. You don’t see a crying bird.

When we go against our instincts, things don’t work. I’m sure you can remember a time yourself when, with hindsight, you’ve looked back at a situation and said ‘I KNEW I shouldn’t have done that!’ But you did. You did do it. Because you didn’t trust yourself. What you thought or wanted, didn’t fit in. You went with your head. With everyone around you. What they were all doing. What they were all saying. Your stomach told you otherwise, but you carried on.

Trusting your instincts is a scary business. It’s scary because we are all so out of practice. How do you know it’s your instinct?! What if it’s not?! What if you’re just having a moment of madness? I can only say that with practice you learn to tell the difference. Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re making decisions. Trust yourself entirely. Forget about how other people are going to react. Are you relaxed? Do you feel better? There is an abundance of literature on developing your intuition.

I wonder about the world. I wonder about everything. I wonder how things work, how things tick, how things can change. It’s never an occasional fleeting thought. It’s intrinsic. It’s in me. To change that would be to deny who I am. I want to explore everything. I’ve been trying to be someone I’m not. I’ve tried to calm down. I’ve tried to change the way I think. I’ve flattened and numbed myself to make something I thought had the potential of being a beautiful flower work. I’ve questioned the way I am. I’ve believed that there must be something ‘wrong’ with the way I see life and how I want to live it. I’ve tried to fit in and play the game.

Me and the T dog have decided to walk in different directions. And that’s ok. No it’s not ideal in societal terms. It’s not what ‘one’ does. We’re taught to stick out mediocre relationships because that’s just what a relationship is. They are hard and take effort. You have to take the bad with the good. You’ve got children, there’s no other option. But we both feel like numb, suffocated, trapped messes. We’ve killed each other. That’s not kind. Love doesn’t do that.

When two people continuously over a long period of time can’t make things work despite trying desperately, to the point they are no longer living in accordance with their own truth… It’s time to be courageous enough to stop it. I’d rather be alone than responsible for somebody else’s misery.

In my mind love is free. It’s so free. It’s a meeting. It’s a passing. It’s a nourishment. When two people bring out the very worst in each other and you slowly watch each other turn into people you are not, it’s time to change.

I am so glad that we have found the strength after 4 years and not 40 to recognise this. To respect each other enough to let each other go. Regardless of how much that hurts.

I have felt so disconnected. I’ve even questioned my mental health. There must be something wrong with me. I don’t aspire to live how I’m expected to. But last night I realised, I’m not crazy. I feel disconnected because I’m not following the set path we are told to follow. How can you connect with a society and people around you that you don’t believe in? Of course I feel disconnected. It’s a positive thing. For me. I’m finally listening to my truth and I’ll make sure I never forget that again.

It’s taken a lot of courage and time. It’s not a decision you come to lightly or quickly. And we have tried. God we have tried. Neither of us have anything left and what we do have left is ugly. We are setting each other free so we can both be great and inspiring parents to our beautiful girls. For the first time in 2 years, I see a spark in his eye. That is love.

Where do we go from here? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other in what I think is the right direction…

Whack your name on the mailing list if you fancy it, or come find me on my other networks.

Twitter – www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich

Instagram – www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

Youtube – www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

Thank you for all your support and love as always xx

Day #171 – Be a beautiful butterfly.


I’m working through a section in my Cosmic Ordering book, the one by Stephen Richards, which teaches you to empty yourself of ‘Catastrophic Vibrational Negativity’. It runs through a bunch of areas in our lives we can eliminate negativity so that we attract more of what we want and are open to greatness.

We all have bad thoughts sometimes. We all think badly about something or someone at some point in our lives. We’re human. It would be nice if we could stop it though wouldn’t it?

Judging other people creates bad karma for yourself. Whaaat? How does that work?! You hear about someone who is doing something really terrible. You judge them, brand them as a bad person, you think you’re better than them in some way. They must have really bad karma now. Well, yes, maybe. But you do too. Sorry aboot that…

Thoughts are energy. Energy vibrates at different frequencies. Whilst causing harm to other people is a negative and low frequency, so is judging. We are not Gods. We are not here to judge other people and their actions. We are here to live our own truths. We can discourage others to do harmful things. We can disagree with their actions even. Judging is something different. It’s negative. And remember, what you put out, you get back three fold.

Ain’t so fun wearing the judges hat now is it.

I used to be guilty of judging others when it came to parenting. I guess most parents are. It’s horrible. I didn’t mean to. But I’d see a wild child being given treats or a mother calling her child a’ see you next Tuesday’ and I couldn’t help but judge them. I’d label them as bad parents in my mind… Then I had some more children and I actually understand now. I’m at home calling my baby all names under the sun because she won’t stop crying and bribing my toddler with candy so she eats her dinner because I’m so ridiculously tired and I realise, I’m just the same. Who am I to judge? I’m just hiding it better.

We all have a Hitler in us. And we all have a Mother Teresa. We just have to decide which one we are going to nourish. Louise Hay said that. She’s full of wisdom.

Let’s nourish Miss Teresa.

Rather than judging other people, their decisions and their lives why don’t we try something else? Why don’t we offer to help? For example, if I see a mother in the street not coping with her child, rather than walking past and frowning at her as she publically swears at her child, what if I asked her if she’s ok? Can I do something to help her? I could listen to her. I could sympathise with her. Alright, so maybe she might not appreciate that exactly. But we can usually tell whether or not it would help to get involved. I don’t know what is going on with her in her life. I read once that if we all knew each other’s history and life story it would be impossible to feel anything but love.

That’s just an example. You’ll have to work out what yours is and how you’re going to address it. Drop me a line if you need some help working it out. It’s not always so clean cut. You can find out how to contact me via the ‘contact’ tab funnily enough

We also judge our friends and our family members. How they’re living their lives. Why aren’t they doing this? Why ARE they doing that? We wouldn’t do it like that. They can’t be happy. This one always gets me – how they are spending their money! Who cares how other people are spending their money!? It’s theirs! Worry about your own. The only reason people judge others financial situations is fear and jealousy. Take care of your own chickens.

If you don’t like to be judged. Don’t judge others. It’s not our place and it’s not nice. X

You know the drill… If you missed my last post, you should check out my youtube channel. There’s a new tune up with another on its little way!

Twitter- www.twitter.com/gemmadietrich

Instagram – www.instagram.com/gemmadietrich

Youtube – www.youtube.com/user/gemmadietrich

Merci buckets Xxx

Day #144 – What is ‘Cosmic Order’ anyway?


Today, I’ve decided to share my ‘About’ page with you, as so many people don’t seem to know that it exists and although you are following my blog (Thank you!) don’t really know my motivation behind any of this…

When I set up ‘Cosmic Order’ I thought it was probably quite important to explain the point of it and my project. So people understood what the hell I’m writing about! Thing is, over 3,500 of you have read my posts. But less than 10 know about the ‘About’ page! Maybe I need to work on my web design skills… Going to master recording music first.

So here it is. In all its glory. Why I’m doing this.

My name is Gemma. I am not going to give you any numbers other than three, which is the number of beautiful daughters I have. That seems an important fact. Turns out I really quite like horses. I dream of warmer climates consistently. I’d love to meet a moose in the wild. I love forests. I love both blue and yellow intensely, which resulted in a half Swedish daughter. Uncanny. She is both blue and yellow. I want to make the world better. I don’t eat meat.

How this happened…

I’m on the other side of three children and I was thinking about what I’m going to do now. For the last few years I’ve had, and wanted, to put their needs first. I’m a mother, this will always be the case, but I’m also other things. I’m not having any more babies, I have retired from the realm of reproduction and it’s time for me to get out of this house. Nothing wrong with staying at home at all, it’s not about that. It’s just I want some more… I’ve got some more. I’m not done yet.

It dawned on me that to get any sort of work I’d need to invest a lot of time relearning really basic things like computer skills (I struggle with anything more than an email), interview techniques, sorting out my cv, volunteering… Refreshing myself. This led me to think ‘Why am I willing to consider investing time and effort into things I don’t care about to get work and not invest in what I would really love to do?’

At which point I decided. Ok. Invest in what your heart desires rather than in what you think you should invest in.

Then it all got a bit scarey because since forever I have wanted to be a singer and dreams are safe because they are just dreams.

Suddenly when you decide to look at your dreams and make them real you have to look at all sorts of skeletons in all sorts of ugly places. I’ve already tried at least three times to tell myself this is a bad idea, I’m going to fail, don’t do it. But if I don’t, it will always linger over me that I never tried to do what I really wanted. Because I was scared. Luckily, this thought scares me even more.

I started reading this ‘cosmic ordering’ book. It’s concepts are basic and are based on positive thinking, focusing, setting intentions, ‘ordering from the universe’ what you want – and getting it. It’s not magic. Or religion. Or hocus pocus. It’s kind of common sense… And I’m going to action it.

Is anything really possible? Can we actually all get everything that we want? If that’s true, why are so many of us not living our dreams?

The theory goes, if we doubt ourselves then ‘the universe’, everything around us, doubts us too. If we remove the self doubt, anything we want is ours. I want to see if this is true and document it along the way. I have given myself 365 days. Armed with cosmic ordering as a guide, I am going to become a hugely successful singer and a raging humanitarian on top of that. My ideas are big, as are my aspirations. I want to inspire other people to look at their lives, their dreams, their desires and realise that anything is possible. Everything is achievable. We just have to make it happen.

Follow my blog diary for progress reports, good days, bad days, thoughts, feelings and ideas about all of this and how I pull it off.

Be interactive – Get your own dream out of your bag, let’s discover and batter our self inflicted limitations together.

(FYI if you’re viewing the blog on your phone in the top left hand corner there are three little horizontal lines. If you click on that a drop down menu appears. Here you’ll find contact info, the about section and my inspiration!)

Thank you so much for the ongoing support! I’d love to hear from you!

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More music coming this week! Add me on Instagram for #musicmonday sneak peaks at what I’ll be uploading next! xx

Day #119 – How you can help the people in Gaza and Israel. Now.

Do something great today.

Do something great today.

The need to help other living things and the planet is something that has been in me since I was really small. I’d often take a black sack and walk around the village and the hills in search of litter to protect wildlife. I had a shed full of injured birds, rabbits and lambs. If I saw someone who was sad or lonely, I would befriend them. As a child, I didn’t even question it. Perhaps my parents instilled good values in me. Perhaps it was a natural instinct. I don’t know. But I do know, I can’t live any other way.

Why is this relevant to Cosmic Order or my music journey? Well. The law of attraction states that the more you give the more you get.  We are like magnets. Whatever emotion or action we are promoting from ourselves, the universe will give us that back en masse. If for no other reason than to increase your own fortune, help someone or something less fortunate than yourself. You’ll make somebody else feel great, you’ll feel great… The world will be a better place.

A few weeks ago, I organised a small protest in London for the people of Gaza and Israel (So as not to repeat myself, details of that can be found on Day #92 – Responsibility. Take some). Since then I have been trying to find other ways of helping the innocent civilians on both sides of the conflict. It’s all too easy to forget about things the minute the media decides to report something else. Here are the latest facts and figures on the recent 50 day conflict to keep you up to date.

‘In Gaza, more than 2,100 people have been killed, most of them civilians, including about 500 children… 11,000 people were injured and more than 17,000 homes destroyed or badly damaged… On the Israeli side 64 soldiers and 5 civilians including 1 child were killed… hundreds of families relocated from homes near the Gaza border…’ The Guardian, 2014

With reconstruction of Gaza set to take at least 10 years and a third of the population displaced, every inch of help is needed, both financially and politically. Simple things that we take for granted have been annihilated such as schools, hospitals, factories, water supplies, farms and power plants. What can you do? Here’s the awesome part.

Have you ever heard of the children’s charity SOS Children? As one of the world’s largest children’s charities you’d think you would have right? But putting most of their efforts and money into action rather than marketing, it’s not surprising if you haven’t.

SOS Children are non political and non religious and remain neutral in all conflicts. Based in 125 countries world wide with 547 villages in operation, the charity offer orphaned children the chance of a loving home and a bright future. The work they do is INCREDIBLE. The villages SOS children create not only offer love and support, they also provide education, healthcare and nutrition. In times of conflict, they offer emergency relief.

I emailed them and asked how we can support them in Israel and Gaza at this time. Their work there is ongoing. They are there and are facing extreme pressure at this time. They have villages in both states. Two in Israel and two in Gaza. In both, the work SOS Children do extends outside the villages into the wider community, offering medical services, family support and social centres. For more information about their brilliant work in the area check out their website http://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk/sponsor-a-child/the-middle-east   and click on each territory respectively.

Having been overwhelmed with support, the charity currently have no individual child sponsorships in Palestine but are desperate for village sponsorships or regular donations. In Palestine, these would be either Bethlehem or Rafah. Rafah being the most desperate presently. By supporting an entire village, your money will be spent in your chosen village as needed. 

When the charity told me they were in need of child sponsorships in Israel, I must admit I was shocked. It’s quite obvious that Gaza has suffered considerably more collaterally in this conflict by just looking at the figures alone. However, despite Israel’s strong economy, a quarter of the population live in poverty. Regular donations to their villages in Israel, especially Neradim, Arad, or village sponsorship would be of greatest use at this time.

Links to child and village sponsorship

Details of what a village sponsorship involves can be found here http://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk/sponsor-a-child/life-in-a-childrens-village/sponsor-an-sos-childrens-village

100% of your donations go DIRECTLY to a child in need. Isn’t that refreshing? You can check out their accounts on their website if you think it’s too good to be true.

I have sponsored a child in India for around 5 years now. I have a personal address for her village, I am sent letters and photos. I can write if I want to but am not expected to. I can send her house gifts. I can put money aside for her when she’s older. It’s just such a great and personal program.

Your donation doesn’t have to be massive. Every little helps. You will be supporting fantastic work that is actually doing something on the ground and making a difference to the children and families directly affected. You can make a difference. Here is a chance.

If you can’t afford it, then spread the word. And remember you said you can’t afford it when you’re buying those shiny new shoes…

As ever, thank you so much for all of your support and the time you take to read my posts. If you enjoyed it, like it! And share!  X

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Day #111 – You hate your job.


Since starting this blog I find myself having a lot of conversations with people about their dreams and ambitions. It’s nice.

I love hearing about the person inside the person I thought I knew or only just met. It gives me faith in humans. It reminds me that we’re all the same. We all have secret ambitions that we are too scared to look at and have never shared. It makes me genuinely happy when people share these with me.

One thing that I am hearing over and over and over again is this – ‘I hate my job’.

My heart does a little sigh when I hear those words. ‘I hate my job’. It sighs because I’m becoming exhausted with humans and their nature. Most people hate their jobs unfortunately, and most people are unwilling to put some change into action.

The most obvious question to me is ‘Well why do you do it then?’ and the answers are always the same. Money is usually the top answer. People have to keep the jobs they hate for the money. FYI the latest urban myth is, jobs you love don’t pay so well. It’s spread like wild fire. Almost as popular as that urban myth about KFC and the genetically modified chickens…

What if money wasn’t the issue? What if you could find a really great paying job doing the thing that you love? I’m sure there is a way around this – to make as much money as you are now – or at least adjust to the new salary. There is always a way. Out comes a barrage of new excuses – job security, pensions, too risky, nowhere in the area, you’d have to relocate, have to do this, have to do that, too difficult… got a family now, it’s impossible.

God almighty people. Stop complaining about the job that you hate so much if you are resigned to the fact that you won’t and can’t change it. It’s such a waste of energy! If you put as much effort into doing the thing that you love as you do into the thing that you hate, you’d see amazing results!

Do you hate your job? Are you willing to do something about it? No? Then stop complaining. See Day #99 – You created this mess.

So maybe your dream job as a tree surgeon isn’t going to pay as much as your hot shot job in the city. Life is about choice. Maybe money is more important to you than loving what you do. In that case it really doesn’t matter, but quit being miserable about it. Life’s too short. Sure, money is nice. You can buy lots of stuff, go to lots of places… but if you’re spending at least 40 hours a week being miserable. Is it worth it? You’re busy saving and squirrelling money away for later. What if you don’t make it to later? I’ve also met a lot of people on the other side of work. Retired people with stacks of savings, incapable of ever spending what they have accumulated. They spent their younger years working ridiculously hard, hardly seeing each other, slaving away for their retirement in jobs they hated. What kind of life is that? Now they’re too old and too fragile to do all the things that they really wanted to do with their lives. They wanted to do things when they were younger. Now they’re too old.

It’s funny isn’t it? How most people are willing to invest 40+ hours a week on a job they hate, making lots of money for someone at the top, whilst bringing home an average wage. Yet you ask someone to invest 3 hours a week to something that they genuinely love. Their passion. Their dream. What their heart desires and the list of excuses is endless.

Don’t waste your life doing what you think you should be doing. What everybody else is doing. What makes you feel alive? What do you love? Stop living a crappy dream and grab your real one.

Life is short.

Think about it. X

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Day #99 – You created this mess.

It’s still about responsibility.

In my last post I talked about this on a global level. Well let’s look at our lack of responsibility on a personal level… It’ll probably get ugly.

How many times in the day do you think ‘Why is this so hard?’ or ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ or ‘Life is so much easier for that person..’ It’s pretty common when you’re having a bad day. You feel sorry for yourself, feel hopeless. You convince yourself that your circumstances are different or special in some sense. Run off a bunch of ‘reasons’ why you haven’t/couldn’t/can’t. There are things you need to be able to complete your dream. There are people who need to help you, who keep letting you down. Unexpected situations arise that hinder your progress. The list is endless. But it’s never ultimately your fault.

What if I said that all of the above reasons can’t actually hinder you? You decide what you create out of any given situation. It is always your own fault. You can always decide what you create. That’s the difference between failure and success.

When my step father died, I spent a lot of time, years, using that as the reason I was stuck in my hometown. I was mortified. If he hadn’t died then I would be free to be wherever I wanted. As a result of his death, I ‘had’ to stay at home. My mother needed me. That was the reason I wasn’t ‘succeeding’. At the same time I was having a baby. The mess I was surrounded by was too much. I couldn’t do anything now because I’d had a baby. I blamed my circumstances, things I thought I didn’t have control of. It’s a lot easier to do that.

I like my new way of thinking better. Whilst my circumstances weren’t great for a while, I made what I did out of it. I decided to stay here. I decided to be close to my mother. I decided to have a baby. I decided to put my mother and child first. I chose that and I own it. Nobody forced me. I am entirely responsible. I created it.

I have been going stir crazy. Pulling my hair out. My time management has been all over the place. It’s been driving me mad. I have lots of stuff I need to do and get on with to keep my project moving forwards and the momentum going with it. I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve had no time. I couldn’t even make time. My personal life has been mega busy organising and doing things for other people, then I decided I must organise a protest and have been immersing myself in political news and history trying to come up with legitimate answers for why innocent children are dying. Meanwhile, my music was sailing off down the river. I didn’t feel like I had any control over it. There aren’t enough hours in a day. It’s not my fault. It’s everybody else’s etc etc etc.

Then I remembered. I created this mess.

It’s entirely my fault. Through the decisions, both big and small, important and unimportant, but through my decisions nonetheless, I have created my situation. I decided to. I wanted to. Make a list of everything that you consider is holding you back. Or things that have happened to you which you consider major factors in your life that have altered your path. Now look at that list and see what your involvement is in that. Example – the job you hate but you still do because you need the money. That’s your decision. Being trapped in the job is an illusion. There are other jobs. There are always options. If there’s no option, make a plan so you get to a place where you have an option. It’s not the job hindering you, it’s yourself. You’re the boss.

If we can see how easy it is to create everything we don’t want in our lives, surely we can create everything that we DO want? We can tailor make everything exactly how we want it. It gives me some hope at least.

There is no secret. No magic key. No special formula. You don’t need to know anybody special or be rich or have special tools. You just need to be willing to take responsibility for everything in your life right now and work out how to change the things that aren’t working for the better.

Break it down and create it. X


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