Tag Archives: self worth

Day #338 – Just like this.

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There is not one single other human being on this planet that is like you. You’re an intricate, complicated, beautiful individual and you’re the best at it. You’re not just someones sister or brother. You’re not just a parent. Or a banker or a doctor or a teacher. Or any of the jobs. Those can be used as ways to describe the things you do or your position in a family or your own community. But that’s not YOU. We all have our own thing. We all come with our own sense of magic and strength. You’re not a patchwork of other peoples ideas and opinions. Think back to when you were a kid. Before you started to care what other people thought. Before people told you who you were. You were fantastic at being yourself. You didn’t cover up your differences. You will always be the best at being you. Why would you want to be something or someone else? Your beauty is infinite.

If we look around the natural world we observe and appreciate this very fact. We don’t look at a blade of grass and think why isn’t it a flower? Why can’t it be a tree? We accept it as it is. It’s perfect. It’s a blade of grass. It’s doing what it’s been made to do. Well, we’re exactly the same but sadly social conditioning has made us think otherwise. I am a huge fan of Alan Watts. He said this. I think we should take note.

‘Regard yourself as a cloud… in the flesh. Clouds never make mistakes. Did you ever see a cloud that was misshapen?  Did you ever see a badly designed wave? No! They always do the right thing. If you treat yourself for a while as a cloud, or wave, and realise that you can’t make a mistake whatever you do because even if you do something that seems to be totally disastrous is will all come out in the wash somehow or other. Then through this capacity you will develop a kind of confidence and through confidence you will be able to trust your own intuition.

It has nothing to do with your decision or not… You are like cloud and water.’ – Alan Watts

We need to develop an inner state of mind that is like the sky. The sky just is. It doesn’t congratulate itself for making a rainbow. It doesn’t ask for approval. It doesn’t ask the sun ‘Is this rainbow ok? Can I do better? Should I have used different colours?’ It doesn’t apologise when it’s raining. It knows that above the rainbows and the storms the sun is still shining. It’s just the sky. It’s the best at being the sky. You’re the best at being you and you can’t make a ‘mistake’.

We live in a state of mind and a society of approval addiction. We have a desire to be liked. We want to be recognised. We want what we are doing to be noticed. We want other people to like what we’re doing because we have this intrinsic need to be accepted. We look outside of ourselves for someone else to tell us that we’re doing the right thing, that what we are doing is good and worthwhile. This can be really debilitating. No, it is debilitating. There’s no ‘can be’ about it. We have been programmed as adults to search for other peoples approval and then mistake it for our own. If you can accept yourself totally as an individual then there is no need for outside approval. Just approve of yourself. If you spent as much time working on that as you do chasing other people’s approval, the shift you feel inside of yourself would astound you.

We are all born absolutely complete with one note to sing.  You just have to discover it and put it into practice. It doesn’t matter what other people think  as long as you are living your own joy and bliss. Is it making you happy? Does it feel right in your being? Surely that’s all that matters? If what you have created is a perfect reflection of your talents and ideas and how you perceive the world around you, what does it matter to anybody outside of you? People who resonate with you will get it. People who resonate differently won’t get it at all. It doesn’t matter. Don’t stop to think about what other people think about you. It’s a learnt behaviour and it can absolutely be unlearnt.

Shine. Don’t be like anybody else. Infact, be unlike everyone else.

Be as good at being you as you can. X

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Day #271 – I am a disappointment…

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… I am also kind.

I think I’m struggling to keep my head above the water but I can’t tell because I’m kicking so hard I have no idea what’s going on around me. Maybe I’m drowning. Maybe I’m a human dolphin. I’ve been told I’m a disappointment until sometimes I can’t move. I’ve been told that other people share this sentiment. I’ve been told that I’m not hated… But other people ‘disapprove’ of me. People I really cared about. People I thought were awesome. You tell anybody this for long enough, you’ll break them. They won’t be able to hear the other people around them saying nice things. The strangers thanking them. Day in, day out I’ve been asked to recount and explain myself.  Sometimes I’m good enough, most of the time I’m not. I’ll never be forgiven for this thing that wasn’t that thing at all. Sometimes it’s easier to blame somebody else than look at an entire picture. 

But I’ve had it. It’s too much. Perhaps I am a disappointment to some people. That’s ok. Nobody knows the truth. I do. I know the entire truth. Nobody’s really bothered to ask. We should all be taught when we are young that we are going to go through life disappointing people one after the other. Instead we are taught “Don’t disappoint!”, “Disappointing people is bad!” As a result we live our entire lives trying to please other people and worrying about what everyone else thinks of us. Even if you were as perfect as they come, you’d still disappoint someone somewhere. It’s the trouble with humans. As long as you’re not disappointing yourself, that’s all that matters. And if you do screw up and do a tiny thing on your massive journey that makes you disappointed in yourself. Say sorry. Be sorry. Show that you’re sorry. Do everything that you can to remedy that situation and support the people that you may have hurt (and yourself). Don’t do it again. Learn from it. But most importantly, forgive yourself and keep walking. Don’t kill yourself over it. What the hell is the point beating yourself up over things you can’t change or undo? Some people will never understand you or want to for that matter. Do you realise how short life is? We could all be dead tomorrow. That’s the reality. Grab life and screw what everyone else thinks.

I’m learning that no matter what other people think of you, you have to look after yourself first and foremost. If the people around you don’t make you feel good – don’t be around them anymore. Why are you inviting someone into your life, out of choice, that doesn’t make you feel good? Nobody’s friendship is that special or worth it if they don’t bring out the best in you and love you as you are. Nobody’s. Sometimes that hurts. Actually it really hurts. Loving someone and wanting to be a positive influence in their life and being met with hostility and rejection hurts. But so do unsupportive friendships. Friends are kind beings and friendship is a two way street. Don’t forget that. We are all worthy of being surrounded by kindness.

I’ve been trying to work out how I can use my current situation to help other people in relation to the whole cosmic ordering business. Chasing your dreams. Living your dreams. Being yourself. And I guess it’s just this, which I’ve said a few times before. Life is never going to be smooth. Stop waiting for things to calm down to start your project or your business or your class. Whatever it is that you want to do or wherever it is you want to go. Stop waiting. The perfect time doesn’t exist and I can pretty much guarantee that it will be much harder than you can even imagine no matter how ‘perfect’ you have timed and planned things. Something unexpected will always happen. When the going gets rough, you can’t give up. As much as you want to. Stay focused and know that all the things that are problems now will be distant memories one day. If you give up, nothing’s going to change. You have to start and you have to carry on, amidst everything. It blows, but the alternative blows more.

Hi. I’m a human. I make mistakes. Other people do too. Nice to meet you. X

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Day #162 – Negative thoughts are a bugger.

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We each have an inner voice. It can be constructive and support us. Or it can be destructive and make us feel terrible. When we are feeling motivated and upbeat, our inner voice is usually on our side. Telling us that we can do anything. We feel great about ourselves and everything that we are doing.

But what happens when our inner voice turns sour? You’re on your journey. You’ve been working like a crazy person. You’ve been so positive. Out of nowhere, or somewhere, you’ve suddenly had it. You no longer believe in yourself. You must just be really awful at everything you do. Why would anybody ever believe in you? You cant do it. What a disappointment you are.

Our inner work is never done. If you neglect it, a crash of some description is inevitable. I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish about myself. This is not a feeling you want when you are exploring the law of attraction. By thinking negative things about myself over and over, I’m creating more of it. I feel worthless, undeserving, talentless. My inner voice is saying very unkind things and I’m just sitting back and letting it. I don’t know why. I guess I still believe it on some level.

I got my recording equipment and I was so excited about it. I tried to record something and I couldn’t. I failed. The song I picked had weird timing and backing vocals and I couldn’t get my head around it. When I did, I played the recording back to myself and just thought it sounded awful. I didn’t/don’t know how to adjust the levels. I started reading about EQ and compressing… I felt overwhelmed. I still do. All I want to do is sing. And I want to do it really well. My only redeeming thought was that I was going to the studio. I’d have something recorded to upload. I’m overly conscious that I need to upload way more music. More regularly and now. I need to do that now. Nothing is going to happen for me musically without music! We recorded something and I didn’t like the way I sang. All of these things are now supporting my negative inner voice. You’re useless. Give up. Stop wasting your time you idiot.

This is what happens though! It’s the universe challenging us. Helping us develop and grow even more. You thought you’d worked through that block? You haven’t! I haven’t! I still don’t think I’m worth it. Go back and do more work. Love yourself love yourself love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you are more likely to believe the negative thoughts and beliefs your inner voice creates. No other living thing on this planet ‘feels bad’ about itself. Let’s not either. Let’s be leaves. Or walruses.

We need to learn and master how to control our inner voice. That voice is just our thoughts and we create them. We decide whether to believe them. We can therefore decide to ignore the detrimental ones and create new positive ones. Look at where the thought is coming from. Look at what will happen if you believe it. Is it for your greater good? Do you like where this thought leads you? If the answer is no, then we must choose not to give it any attention. When the thought you are trying to rid yourself of comes into your mind, replace it. Think something positive. If you’re busy listing what you perceive to be your bad qualities, start listing your great ones! If you cant manage it just tell your negative limiting beliefs “I let you go – I approve of myself.’ Let them all go. Visualise them floating away.

You are as worthy and incredible as the stars in the sky. You are unique. And irreplaceable. That’s a true fact for all of us.

It’s funny isn’t it? We spend a lot of our lives looking for love. For the one. For somebody who will love us unconditionally. Yet most of us don’t think to look inside and love ourselves unconditionally first.

I love writing this blog. It helps me work through so many things. I already feel better and brighter. I research and discover such great personal development theories. Sharing it makes me happy because I know so many other people who struggle with the same obstacles and issues over and over again. If me being honest even helps one of them that’s enough.

Right! Let’s go approve of ourselves and remember we’re worth everything. X

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Day #55 – Love Love Love.

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We all have our excuses as to why we have never pursued our dreams. Not just our dreams. We have reasons and excuses that hold us back in all areas of our lives. I listed mine on Day #3 I think. At the time of writing that post, I hadn’t realised that quite simply, it all boils down to ‘I’m not good enough’. The reasons don’t really matter. Keep asking yourself ‘Why?’ and you’ll always get to that answer. It’s like a magic trick. Our reasons are just what are in the way of the truth. The truth is we don’t believe we are good enough. We are overly self critical. We do not love ourselves.

Do you love yourself? How do you feel when I ask that? Think about it. Does it make you feel uncomfortable? A bit uneasy? A bit awkward? Or is it an easy question? Of course you love yourself. You’re amazing. Both of those extremes indicate a sense of insecurity.

We are taught from such a young age to love everybody else. Love your neighbour. Your brother, your sister, your mother. Your grandparents. Did anybody ever teach you to love yourself? The importance of that? I was never taught that. So we get older and become more and more critical of ourselves and others. We normalise this behaviour. We lose our inner child and replace it with something else, quite vile. If you have children, please teach them this. Always, always love yourself.

Think of yourself as a child. How do we treat children? We encourage them right? We praise them, even when what they’ve produced is pretty average, or downright crap. We encourage them so they are brave enough to try again and practice and get better. If they’re having a bad day, we might comfort them. Tell them it will be ok. We nurture them. What do you do to YOUR inner child? Your creative core. Your imagination. Do you let it explore and fly? Or are you busy telling them they’re stupid?

Fellow blogger who shared this the other day, thank you. Can't figure out who posted it!

Fellow blogger who shared this the other day, thank you. Can’t figure out who posted it!

 

My Louise Hay book recommends that whenever you walk past a mirror, to look at your reflection and tell yourself that you love you. It’s a bit weird. I felt uncomfortable with this. Mainly because I’ve always thought that looking in mirrors is a bad thing. I don’t like looking at myself. Note talking to myself in the mirror didn’t strike me as odd behaviour…  I check (sometimes) that I haven’t got pasta sauce around my mouth before I go outside, I vaguely look when I’m putting some make up on, but I never look at MYSELF. It scares me.

The first time I did it, I followed it up with a ‘You don’t mean that’ comment. Because I didn’t. If someone was standing opposite me and said I love you like that, I’d tell them to jog swiftly on. It took what 2, maybe 3, seconds and I learnt that I was like most people. I’m not at ease with myself. I’m happy to be alive, I’m surrounded by some amazing people. I have a beautiful family, there are things and places that I love. I think about all of that and I feel great. Yet I can’t look at my self in the mirror and tell myself that I love me. And mean it. I tried ‘I should love you’. That didn’t work. ‘Should’ and ‘love’ aren’t compatible. ‘You deserve for me to love you’, I tried that. My reflection liked that one. Gave me a little nod of encouragement. ‘I want to love you’. That was her favourite. And that’s going to be my starting point. I’m going to make this girl feel special.

Just do it. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say I love you. Every time you catch your reflection. I don’t mean stand there and study yourself and turn into a vain, reflection lover. Get used to your face. Get used to your eyes. Embrace them. Be kind. Be gentle. Look at yourself fondly. Forgive yourself. Tell yourself that it will all be ok. That you’re good enough. There’s no point hating what stares back at you. It’s all you’ve got in this life. Other people come and go. You are the only constant to yourself. Be a friend. Look after your inner child.

Off you go.

Do this. Decide to change. X

 

Day #19 – Comparison


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Living in a society where we are bombarded from all angles with images and stories of other people and their success, it’s pretty hard not to compare ourselves sometimes. Other people seem to have it all. I don’t just mean the popular scapegoat of imagery in the media and airbrushing. That obviously doesn’t help us feel any better about our regular Joe bodies, but it’s everywhere. Facebook and twitter remind us daily about how much fun everybody else is having. How well everybody else is coping. How great their lives are. We bump into people in the street, they look fantastic. Sound fantastic. Everybody else seems to be living the dream…

First of all, I’d like to point out that all of the above is absolute crap. Second of all, it’s the most unhealthy thing you can do which in turn will not only turn you into a bitter lemon, it’ll consume you so much that you stop focussing on yourself and what you wanted to do in the first place. You’ll start trying to live and be someone else’s idea of happy. Also keep in mind, that other people are only showing you their highlights.

I’m also human. And a woman human at that. I’m as guilty as the next person for comparing myself to others. Well I used to be. I’m a bit more accepting of how I am nowadays. Before I started this, but this has helped too. It’s just such a waste of energy. Concentrating all the time on what you’re not. It’s a negative thought pattern which just makes you feel awful. No you’re not as tall and leggy as the girl over there… But you’re not as fat and dumpy as the girl over there. No you’re not as artistic as the person over there… But you’re not as cack handed as that one. We will always be in the middle. Always. No matter how great or terrible we are! Therefore you can’t possibly win the painful comparison game.

Then there’s the thought – What are we even comparing ourselves for? Trees don’t do it. Flowers don’t do it. Pretty sure the ocean doesn’t compare itself to the sky. Nor the sun to the moon. They just get on with it. Animals too. Lady lions aren’t cat fighting because ones fluffier than the other. Why are we so hell bent on doing it and making ourselves feel inferior? Comparing ourselves with someone else is an inaccurate and irrelevant measuring stick. You’re comparing your inner self, your insecurities, with somebody else’s outer self. Their public face. When we ask somebody how they are, they usually respond in a positive manner. They’re fine or great. They may reel off highlights of recent achievements. It’s not really common practice to share more intimate details and emotions. I cried myself to sleep the other night because my boyfriend was an idiot. I feel really freaking lost right now. I feel like a failure most days. I’m not good enough. We save that for ourselves. Sometimes I feel like giving some of my children away. You know. We just smile and say its all dandy.

Women are particularly good at this. I don’t know why. We should be united. Whats the deal with women making other women feel rubbish? I mean, I guess it’s an ego thing. The woman on top gets a boost. It’s not nice. Stop it. Your face is your face is your face. Deal with it. Unfortunatley, it is in our human nature to need to quantify ourselves. To know where we are on the perceived scales of success. Luckily, we can retrain the way we do this.

From now on, rather than comparing yourself to something/someone outside of yourself, compare yourself to yourself! For example, what are you doing in your life now that you couldn’t have even conceived doing last year or 3 years ago? See you’re already amazing. Or try, what have you done recently that you thought you could never do? What negative behaviour have you stopped engaging in that you never thought you could quit? What could you achieve if you put your mind to it? Compare yourself, only to your past self. You can only ever be better than that. It is and always will be the ONLY bench mark for you. Try this for a few days. Consciously stop comparing yourself to others, and bring it in. See how much better you suddenly feel.

‘Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.’ – Michaelangelo

When you stop comparing yourself to others, all inferiority and superiority just disappears. You’re free to be yourself and explore your own potential.

You’re perfect. As you are. X

Day #3 – Laying some strong foundations

Plant new seeds.

Plant new seeds.

The great thing about this cosmic ordering malarky is that rather than just running after your dream, it makes you look at yourself in a different light and analyse why things have turned out how they have and why your dreams are just that. Dreams.

The next step after having consciously decided exactly what you want and realising that daydreaming and desires are not doing something is to rid yourself of all negativity. This gets interesting. And hard.

Why do we all hate on ourselves so much? I remember reading somewhere once that you should talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend. Would you really beat someone else up as much as you do yourself? Unless you’re super mean, I’m sure the answer is no. It’s horrible isn’t it?! Next time you’re telling yourself how useless you are, stop and think about it. I’m pretty sure if we talked like that to other people, we’d have no friends.

“Words are like seeds. Nurture the beautiful ones and watch for unwanted weeds creeping in.” – Dennis Noble

For so long I have told myself that I can’t be a singer. Doesn’t matter that I want it like nothing else. I can’t do it. Here is why. My ‘seeds’. That I have given way too much water for far too long.

  • Too fat
  • Too ugly
  • Not as good as Nina Simone, Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé etc etc
  • Too shy
  • Everybody will laugh at me
  • Absolutely not cool enough
  • Too technologically stupid
  • Waaaaay too old
  • I have children

Reading through that list, I’m feeling pretty embarrassed and stupid. But I’m going to leave it there because those, however ridiculous, have been my thoughts. By sharing them, I’m calling them out, showing them I have power over them now and hopefully inspiring you to do the same. I really recommend writing your own list, sharing it with someone you trust and realising that yours too are hideous.

Before, I thought to myself, I can’t sing publicly until I’m as good as any of my hero singers. Haaaaaa! I’ll be waiting my whole life to be as good as Nina Simone. A piece of advice that my step father inadvertently gave to me was that there will always be people better than you. There will also always be people worse than you. That will never change. You can’t wait until you’re what you consider ‘the best’. You’ll be waiting forever.

Some of my seeds are true. I am too shy. It’s ridiculous. Put me on a stage and I’m shaking, I feel like I’m going to be sick and sometimes if I’m lucky words don’t actually come out of my mouth. Could make for a funny comedy channel on YouTube, but I’m aiming higher. Even though this seed is actually a fact, I’m still ripping it up. I’m planting a new seed. Confidence. I’m going to give that one plant food too.

What has this got to do with anything? Surely I should be singing and making contacts and recording etc etc? Well yeah, I’ve got to, want to and will do that. But how can I succeed if I don’t believe in myself? If I don’t think I’m worth it? How can I make somebody else believe in something I don’t even believe in. That’s crazy talk.

I think this is a massive step that is all too often missed out and will always come back to bite you. By removing all of the negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and replacing them with positive and motivated ones, you’ll only attract a positive and productive life.

Dont get me wrong, this is much easier said than done! But if you really focus and really want your life to change for the better, you’ll do it. I’m doing it and I already feel so much better than a week ago. I don’t hate myself anymore. For the first time ever I believe I deserve this. Im ready to hit myself with fresh, inspiring, positive thoughts that I can and will succeed.

I am feeling both enlightened and empowered because I’m becoming more aware, more conscious of my actions and thoughts.

Exciting times.

BoOOOOooooOoooM  X